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“I say； Tom； this yer’s the luckiest thing in the world。 I’m in a devil of a hobble； and you must help me out。”
“Ugh？ aw！ like enough！” grunted his complacent acquaintance。 “A body may be pretty sure of that； when you’re glad to see ’em； something to be made off of ’em。 What’s the blow now？”
“You’ve got a friend here？” said Haley； looking doubtfully at Marks； “partner； perhaps？”
“Yes； I have。 Here； Marks！ here’s that ar feller that I was in with in Natchez。”
“Shall be pleased with his acquaintance；” said Marks； thrusting out a long； thin hand； like a raven’s claw。 “Mr。 Haley； I believe？”
“The same； sir；” said Haley。 “And now； gentlemen； seein’ as we’ve met so happily； I think I’ll stand up to a small matter of a treat in this here parlor。 So； now； old coon；” said he to the man at the bar； “get us hot water； and sugar； and cigars； and plenty of the real stuff and we’ll have a blow…out。”
Behold； then； the candles lighted； the fire stimulated to the burning point in the grate； and our three worthies seated round a table； well spread with all the acomessories to good fellowship enumerated before。
Haley began a pathetic recital of his peculiar troubles。 Loker shut up his mouth； and listened to him with gruff and surly attention。 Marks； who was anxiously and with much fidgeting compounding a tumbler of punch to his own peculiar taste； ocomasionally looked up from his employment； and； poking his sharp nose and chin almost into Haley’s face； gave the most earnest heed to the whole narrative。 The conclusion of it appeared to amuse him extremely； for he shook his shoulders and sides in silence； and perked up his thin lips with an air of great internal enjoyment。
“So； then； ye’r fairly sewed up； an’t ye？” he said； “he！ he！ he！ It’s neatly done； too。”
“This yer young…un business makes lots of trouble in the trade；” said Haley； dolefully。
“If we could get a breed of gals that didn’t care； now； for their young uns；” said Marks； “tell ye； I think ’t would be ’bout the greatest mod’rn improvement I knows on；”—and Marks patronized his joke by a quiet introductory sniggle。
“Jes so；” said Haley； “I never couldn’t see into it； young uns is heaps of trouble to ’em； one would think； now； they’d be glad to get clar on ’em； but they arn’t。 And the more trouble a young un is； and the more good for nothing； as a gen’l thing； the tighter they sticks to ’em。”
“Wal； Mr。 Haley；” said Marks； “’est pass the hot water。 Yes； sir； you say ’est what I feel and all’us have。 Now； I bought a gal once； when I was in the trade；—a tight； likely wench she was； too； and quite considerable smart；—and she had a young un that was mis’able sickly； it had a crooked back； or something or other； and I jest gin ’t away to a man that thought he’d take his chance raising on ’t； being it didn’t cost nothin’；—never thought； yer know； of the gal’s taking’ on about it；—but； Lord； yer oughter seen how she went on。 Why； re’lly； she did seem to me to valley the child more ’cause ’t was sickly and cross； and plagued her； and she warn’t making b’lieve； neither；—cried about it； she did； and lopped round； as if she’d lost every friend she had。 It re’lly was droll to think on ’t。 Lord； there ain’t no end to women’s notions。”
“Wal； jest so with me；” said Haley。 “ summer； down on Red river； I got a gal traded off on me； with a likely lookin’ child enough； and his eyes looked as bright as yourn； but； come to look； I found him stone blind。 Fact—he was stone blind。 Wal； ye see； I thought there warn’t no harm in my jest passing him along； and not sayin’ nothin’； and I’d got him nicely swapped off for a keg o’ whiskey； but come to get him away from the gal； she was jest like a tiger。 So ’t was before we started； and I hadn’t got my gang chained up； so what should she do but ups on a cotton…bale； like a cat； ketches a knife from one of the deck hands； and； I tell ye； she made all fly for a minit； till she saw ’t wan’t no use； and she jest turns round； and pitches head first； young un and all； into the river；—went down plump； and never ris。”
“Bah！” said Tom Loker； who had listened to these stories with ill…repressed disgust；—“shif’less； both on ye！ my gals don’t cut up no such shines； I tell ye！”
“Indeed！ how do you help it？” said Marks； briskly。
“Help it？ why； I buys a gal； and if she’s got a young un to be sold； I jest walks up and puts my fist to her face； and says； ‘Look here； now； if you give me one word out of your head； I’ll smash yer face in。 I won’t hear one word—not the beginning of a word。’ I says to ’em； ‘This yer young un’s mine； and not yourn； and you’ve no kind o’ business with it。 I’m going to sell it； first chance； mind； you don’t cut up none o’ yer shines about it； or I’ll make ye wish ye’d never been born。’ I tell ye； they sees it an’t no play； when I gets hold。 I makes ’em as whist as fishes； and if one on ’em begins and gives a yelp； why；—” and Mr。 Loker brought down his fist with a thump that fully explained the hiatus。
“That ar’s what ye may call emphasis；” said Marks； poking Haley in the side； and going into another small giggle。 “An’t Tom peculiar？ he！ he！ I say； Tom； I s’pect you make ’em understand； for all niggers’ heads is woolly。 They don’t never have no doubt o’ your meaning； Tom。 If you an’t the devil； Tom； you ’s his twin brother； I’ll say that for ye！”
Tom received the compliment with becoming modesty； and began to look as affable as was consistent； as John Bunyan says； “with his doggish nature。”
Haley； who had been imbibing very freely of the staple of the evening； began to feel a sensible elevation and enlargement of his moral faculties；—a phenomenon not unusual with gentlemen of a serious and reflective turn； under similar circumstances。
“Wal； now； Tom；” he said； “ye re’lly is too bad； as I al’ays have told ye； ye know； Tom； you and I used to talk over these yer matters down in Natchez； and I used to prove to ye that we made full as much； and was as well off for this yer world； by treatin’ on ’em well； besides keepin’ a better chance for comin’ in the kingdom at last； when wust comes to wust； and thar an’t nothing else left to get； ye know。”
“Boh！” said Tom； “don’t I know？—don’t make me too sick with any yer stuff；—my stomach is a leetle riled now；” and Tom drank half a glass of raw brandy。
“I say；” said Haley； and leaning back in his chair and gesturing impressively； “I’ll say this now； I al’ays meant to drive my trade so as to make money on ’t fust and foremost； as much as any man； but； then； trade an’t everything； and money an’t everything； ’cause we ’s all got souls。 I don’t care； now； who hears me say it；—and I think a cussed sight on it；—so I may as well come out with it。 I b’lieve in religion； and one of these days； when I’ve got matters tight and snug； I calculates to tend to my soul and them ar matters； and so what’s the use of doin’ any more wickedness than ’s re’lly necessary？—it don’t seem to me it’s ’t all prudent。”
“Tend to yer soul！” repeated Tom； contemptuously； “take a bright lookout to find a soul in you；—save yourself any care on that score。 If the devil sifts you through a hair sieve； he won’t find one。”
“Why； Tom； you’re cross；” said Haley； “why can’t ye take it pleasant； now； when a feller’s talking for your good？”
“Stop that ar jaw o’ yourn； there；” said Tom； gruffly。 “I can stand most any talk o’ yourn but your pious talk；—that kills me right up。 After all； what’s the odds between me and you？ ’Tan’t that you care one bit more； or have a bit more feelin’—it’s clean； sheer； dog meanness； wanting to cheat the devil and save your own skin； don’t I see through it？ And your ‘gettin’ religion；’ as you call it； arter all； is too p’isin mean for any crittur；—run up a bill with the devil all your life； and then sneak out when pay time comes！ Bob！”
“Come； come； gentlemen； I say； this isn’t business；” said Marks。 “There’s different ways； you know； of looking at all subjects。 Mr。 Haley is a very nice man； no doubt； and has his own conscience； and； Tom； you have your ways； and very good ones； too； Tom； but quarrelling； you know； won’t answer no kind of purpose。 Let’s go to business。 Now； Mr。 Haley； what is it？—you want us to undertake to catch this yer gal？”
“The gal’s no matter of mine；—she’s Shelby’s； it’s only the boy。 I was a fool for buying the monkey！”
“You’re generally a fool！” said Tom； gruffly。
“Come； now； Loker； none of your huffs；” said Marks； licking his lips； “you see； Mr。 Haley ’s a puttin’ us in a way of a good job； I reckon； just hold still—these yer arrangements is my forte。 This yer gal； Mr。 Haley； how is she？ what is she？”
“Wal！ white and handsome—well brought up。 I’d a gin Shelby eight hundred or a thousand； and then made well on her。”
“White and handsome—well brought up！” said Marks； his sharp eyes； nose and mouth； all alive with enterprise。 “Look here； now； Loker； a beautiful opening。 We’ll do a business here on our own acomount；—we does the catchin’； the boy； of course； goes to Mr。 Haley；—we takes the gal to Orleans to speculate on。 An’t it beautiful？”
Tom； whose great heavy mouth had stood ajar during this communication； now suddenly snapped it together； as a big dog closes on a piece of meat； and seemed to be digesting the idea at his leisure。
“Ye see；” said Marks to Haley； stirring his punch as he did so； “ye see； we has justices convenient at all p’ints along shore； that does up any little jobs in our line quite reasonable。 Tom； he does the knockin’ down and that ar； and I come in all dressed up—shining boots—everything first chop； when the swearin’ ’s to be done。 You oughter see； now；” said Marks； in a glow of professional pride； “how I can tone it off。 One day； I’m Mr。 Twickem； from New Orleans； ’nother day； I’m just come from my plantation on Pearl river； where I works seven hundred niggers； then； again； I come out a distant relation of Henry Clay； or some old cock in Kentuck。 Talents is different； you know。 Now； Tom’s roarer when there’s any thumping or fighting to be done； but at lying he an’t good； Tom an’t；—ye see it don’t come natural to him； but； Lord； if thar’s a feller in the country that can swear to anything and everything； and put in all the circumstances and flourishes with a long face； and carry ’t through better ’n I can； why； I’d like to see him； that’s all！ I b’lieve my heart； I could get along and snake through； even if justices were more particular than they is。 Sometimes I rather wish they was more particular； ’t would be a heap more relishin’ if they was；—more fun； yer know。”
Tom Loker； who； as we have made it appear； was a man of slow thoughts and movements； here interrupted Marks by bringing his heavy fist down on the table； so as to make all ring again； “It’ll do！” he said。
“Lord bless ye； Tom； ye needn’t break all the glasses！” said Marks； “save your fist for time o’ need。”
“But； gentlemen； an’t I to come in for a share of the profits？” said Haley。
“An’t it enough we catch the boy for ye？” said Loker。 “What do ye want？”
“Wal；” said Haley； “if I gives you the job； it’s worth something；—say ten per cent。 on the profits； expenses paid。”
“Now；” said Loker； with a tremendous oath； and striking the table with his heavy fist； “don’t I know you； Dan Haley？ Don’t you think to come it over me！ Suppose Marks and I have taken up the catchin’ trade； jest to ’commodate gentlemen like you； and get nothin’ for ourselves？—Not by a long chalk！ we’ll have the gal out and out； and you keep quiet； or； ye see； we’ll have both；—what’s to hinder？ Han’t you show’d us the game？ It’s as free to us as you； I hope。 If you or Shelby wants to chase us； look where the partridges was last year； if you find them or us； you’re quite welcome。”
“O； wal； certainly； jest let it go at that；” said Haley； alarmed； “you catch the boy for the job；—you allers did trade far with me； Tom； and was up to yer word。”
“Ye know that；” said Tom； “I don’t pretend none of your snivelling ways； but I won’t lie in my ’counts with the devil himself。 What I ses I’ll do； I will do；—you know that； Dan Haley。”
“Jes so； jes so；—I said so； Tom；” said Haley； “and if you’d only promise to have the boy for me in a week； at any point you’ll name； that’s all I want。”
“But it an’t all I want； by a long jump；” said Tom。 “Ye don’t think I did business with you； down in Natchez； for nothing； Haley； I’ve learned to hold an eel； when I catch him。 You’ve got to fork over fifty dollars； flat down； or this child don’t start a peg。 I know yer。”
“Why； when you have a job in hand that may bring a clean profit of somewhere about a thousand or sixteen hundred； why； Tom； you’re onreasonable；” said Haley。
“Yes； and hasn’t we business booked for five weeks to come；—all we can do？ And suppose we leaves all； and goes to bush…whacking round arter yer young uns； and finally doesn’t catch the gal；—and gals allers is the devil to catch；—what’s then？ would you pay us a cent—would you？ I think I see you a doin’ it—ugh！ No； no； flap down your fifty。 If we get the job； and it pays； I’ll hand it b