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〃ineitherdoubtyourtastenoryourskill；buticannothelpthinkingthat；forthepriceofthispictureofafamilyparty；youmighthavehad鈥斺�敗�
〃whatthen？〃
〃thefamilyitself；sir。〃
theoldamateurcastalookatme；notofanger；butofcontempt。
inhiseyesihadevidentlyjustprovedmyselfabarbarian；incapableofunderstandingthearts；andunworthyofenjoyingthem。hegotupwithoutansweringme；hastilytookupthejordaens；andreplaceditinitshiding…placebehindtheprints。
itwasasortofdismissal；itookleaveofhim；andwentaway。
sevenoclock鈥斺�攚henieinagain；ifindmywaterboilingovermylamp；andibusymyselfingrindingmymocha；andsettingoutmycoffee…things。
thegettingcoffeereadyisthemostdelicateandmostattractiveofdomesticoperationstoonewholivesalone：itisthegrandworkofabachelorshousekeeping。
coffeeis；sotosay；justthemid…pointbetweenbodilyandspiritualnourishment。itactsagreeably；andatthesametime；uponthesensesandthethoughts。itsveryfragrancegivesasortofdelightfulactivitytothewits；itisageniusthatlendswingstoourfancy；andtransportsittothelandofthearabiannights。
wheniamburiedinmyoldeasy…chair；myfeetonthefenderbeforeablazingfire；myearsoothedbythesingingofthecoffee…pot；whichseemstogossipwithmyfire…irons；thesenseofsmellgentlyexcitedbythearomaofthearabianbean；andmyeyesshadedbymycappulleddownoverthem；itoftenseemsasifeachcloudofthefragrantsteamtookadistinctform。asinthemiragesofthedesert；ineachasitrises；iseesomeimageofwhichmymindhadbeenlongingforthereality。
atfirstthevaporincreases；anditscolordeepens。iseeacottageonahillside：behindisagardenshutinbyawhitethornhedge；andthroughthegardenrunsabrook；onthebanksofwhichihearthebeeshumming。
thentheviewopensstillmore。seethosefieldsplantedwithapple…trees；inwhichicandistinguishaploughandhorseswaitingfortheirmaster！fartheron；inapartofthewoodwhichringswiththesoundoftheaxe；iperceivethewoodsmanshut；roofedwithturfandbranches；and；inthemidstofalltheseruralpictures；iseemtoseeafigureofmyselfglidingabout。itismyghostwalkinginmydream！
thebubblingofthewater；readytoboilover；pelsmetobreakoffmymeditations；inordertofillupthecoffee…pot。ithenrememberthatihavenocream；itakemytincanoffthehookandgodowntothemilkwomans。
motherdenisisahalecountrywomanfromsavoy；whichsheleftwhenquiteyoung；and；contrarytothecustomofthesavoyards；shehasnotgonebacktoitagain。shehasneitherhusbandnorchild；notwithstandingthetitletheygiveher；butherkindness；whichneversleeps；makesherworthyofthenameofmother。
abravecreature！leftbyherselfinthebattleoflife；shemakesgoodherhumbleplaceinitbyworking；singing；helpingothers；andleavingtheresttogod。
atthedoorofthemilk…shopihearloudburstsoflaughter。inoneofthecornersoftheshopthreechildrenaresittingontheground。theywearthesootydressofsavoyardboys；andintheirhandstheyholdlargeslicesofbreadandcheese。theyoungestisbesmeareduptotheeyeswithhis；andthatisthereasonoftheirmirth。
motherdenispointsthemouttome。
〃lookatthelittlelambs；howtheyenjoythemselves！〃saidshe；puttingherhandontheheadofthelittleglutton。
〃hehashadnobreakfast；〃putsinoneoftheothersbywayofexcuse。
〃poorlittlething；〃saidthemilkwoman；〃heisleftaloneinthestreetsofparis；wherehecanfindnootherfatherthantheall…goodgod！〃
〃andthatiswhyyoumakeyourselfamothertothem？〃ireplied；gently。
〃whatidoislittleenough；〃saidmotherdenis；measuringoutmymilk；〃buteverydayigetsomeofthemtogetheroutofthestreet；thatforoncetheymayhaveenoughtoeat。dearchildren！theirmotherswillmakeupforitinheaven。nottomentionthattheyrecallmynativemountainstome：whentheysinganddance；iseemtoseeouroldfatheragain。〃
herehereyesfilledwithtears。
〃soyouarerepaidbyyourrecollectionsforthegoodyoudothem？〃
resumedi。
〃yes！yes！〃saidshe；〃andbytheirhappiness；too！thelaughteroftheselittleones；sir；islikeabirdssong；itmakesyougay；andgivesyouhearttolive。〃
asshespokeshecutsomefreshslicesofbreadandcheese；andaddedsomeapplesandahandfulofnutstothem。
〃e；mylittledears；〃shecried；〃puttheseintoyourpocketsagainstto…morrow。〃
then；turningtome：
〃to…dayiamruiningmyself；〃addedshe；〃butwemustallhaveourcarnival。〃
icameawaywithoutsayingaword：iwastoomuchaffected。
atlastihavediscoveredwhattruepleasureis。afterbeholdingtheegotismofsensualityandofintellect；ihavefoundthehappyself…sacrificeofgoodness。pierre；m。antoine；andmotherdenishadallkepttheircarnival；butforthefirsttwo；itwasonlyafeastforthesensesorthemind；whileforthethird；itwasafeastfortheheart。
CHAPTER III
whatwemaylearnbylookingoutofwindow
march3d
apoethassaidthatlifeisthedreamofashadow：hewouldbetterhaveparedittoanightoffever！whatalternatefitsofrestlessnessandsleep！whatdisfort！whatsuddenstarts！whatever…returningthirst！
whatachaosofmournfulandconfusedfancies！wecanneithersleepnorwake；weseekinvainforrepose；andwestopshortonthebrinkofaction。twothirdsofhumanexistencearewastedinhesitation；andthelastthirdinrepenting。
whenisayhumanexistence；imeanmyown！wearesomadethateachofusregardshimselfasthemirrorofthemunity：whatpassesinourmindsinfalliblyseemstousahistoryoftheuniverse。everymanislikethedrunkardwhoreportsanearthquake；becausehefeelshimselfstaggering。
andwhyamiuncertainandrestless鈥斺�攊；apoorday…laborerintheworld鈥斺�攚hofillanobscurestationinacornerofit；andwhoseworkitavailsitselfof；withoutheedingtheworkman？iwilltellyou；myunseenfriend；forwhomtheselinesarewritten；myunknownbrother；onwhomthesolitarycallinsorrow；myimaginaryconfidant；towhomallmonologuesareaddressedandwhoisbuttheshadowofourownconscience。
agreateventhashappenedinmylife！acrossroadhassuddenlyopenedinthemiddleofthemonotonouswayalongwhichiwastravellingquietly；andwithoutthinkingofit。tworoadspresentthemselves；andimustchoosebetweenthem。oneisonlythecontinuationofthatihavefollowedtillnow；theotheriswider；andexhibitswondrousprospects。
onthefirstthereisnothingtofear；butalsolittletohope；ontheotheraregreatdangersandgreatfortune。briefly；thequestionis；whetherishallgiveupthehumbleofficeinwhichithoughttodie；foroneofthoseboldspeculationsinwhichchancealoneisbanker！eversinceyesterdayihaveconsultedwithmyself；ihaveparedthetwoandiremainundecided。
whereshallifindlight鈥斺�攚howilladviseme？
sunday；4th鈥斺�攕eethesuningoutfromthethickfogsofwinter！
springannouncesitsapproach；asoftbreezeskimsovertheroofs；andmywallflowerbeginstoblowagain。
wearenearthatsweetseasonoffreshgreen；ofwhichthepoetsofthesixteenthcenturysangwithsomuchfeeling：
nowthegladsomemonthofmay。
allthingsnewlydotharray；fairestlady；letmetoo。
inthylovemyliferenew。
thechirpingofthesparrowscallsme：theyclaimthecrumbsiscattertothemeverymorning。iopenmywindow；andtheprospectofroofsopensoutbeforemeinallitssplendor。
hewhohaslivedonlyonafirstfloorhasnoideaofthepicturesquevarietyofsuchaview。hehasnevercontemplatedthesetile…coloredheightswhichintersecteachother；hehasnotfollowedwithhiseyesthesegutter…valleys；wherethefreshverdureoftheatticgardenswaves；thedeepshadowswhicheveningspreadsovertheslatedslopes；andthesparklingofwindowswhichthesettingsunhaskindledtoablazeoffire。hehasnotstudiedthefloraofthesealpsofcivilization；carpetedbylichensandmosses；heisnotacquaintedwiththemyriadinhabitantsthatpeoplethem；fromthemicroscopicinsecttothedomesticcat鈥斺�攖hatreynardoftheroofswhoisalwaysontheprowl；orinambush；hehasnotwitnessedthethousandaspectsofaclearoracloudysky；northethousandeffectsoflight；thatmaketheseupperregionsatheatrewithever…changingscenes！howmanytimeshavemydaysofleisurepassedawayincontemplatingthiswonderfulsight；indiscoveringitsdarkerorbrighterepisodes；inseeking；inshort；inthisunknownworldfortheimpressionsoftravelthatwealthytouristslookforlower！
nineoclock鈥斺�攂utwhy；then；havenotmywingedneighborspickedupthecrumbsihavescatteredforthembeforemywindow？iseethemflyaway；eback；perchupontheledgesofthewindows；andchirpatthesightofthefeasttheyareusuallysoreadytodevour！itisnotmypresencethatfrightensthem；ihaveaccustomedthemtoeatoutofmyhand。then；whythisfearfulsuspense？invainilookaround：theroofisclear；thewindowsnearareclosed。icrumblethebreadthatremainsfrommybreakfasttoattractthembyanamplerfeast。theirchirpingsincrease；theybenddowntheirheads；theboldestapproachuponthewing；butwithoutdaringtoalight。
e；e；mysparrowsarethevictimsofoneofthefoolishpanicswhichmakethefundsfallatthebourse！itisplainthatbirdsarenotmorereasonablethanmen！
withthisreflectioniwasabouttoshutmywindow；whensuddenlyiperceived；inaspotofsunshineonmyright；theshadowoftwopricked…upears；thenapawadvanced；thentheheadofatabby…catshoweditselfatthecornerofthegutter。thecunningfellowwaslyingthereinwait；hopingthecrumbswouldbringhimsomegame。
andihadaccusedmyguestsofcowardice！iwassosurethatnodangercouldmenacethem！ithoughtihadlookedwelleverywhere！ihadonlyforgottenthecornerbehindme！
inlife；asontheroofs；howmanymisfortunesefromhavingforgottenasinglecorner！
tenoclock鈥斺�攊cannotleavemywindow；therainandthecoldhavekeptitshutsolongthatimustreconnoitrealltheenvironstobeabletotakepossessionofthemagain。myeyessearchinsuccessionallthepointsofthejumbledandconfusedprospect；passingonorstoppingaccordingtowhattheylightupon。
ah！seethewindowsuponwhichtheyformerlylovedtorest；theyarethoseoftwounknownneighbors；whosedifferenthabitstheyhavelongremarked。
oneisapoorwork…woman；whorisesbeforesunrise；andwhoseprofileisshadoweduponherlittlemuslinwindow…curtainfarintotheevening；theotherisayoungsongstress；whosevocalflourishessometimesreachmyatticbysnatches。whentheirwindowsareopen；thatofthework…womandiscoversahumblebutdecentabode；theother；anelegantlyfurnishedroom。butto…dayacrowdoftradespeoplethrongthelatter：theytakedownthesilkhangingsandcarryoffthefurniture；andinowrememberthattheyoungsingerpassedundermywindowthismorningwithherveildown；andwalkingwiththehastystepofonewhosufferssomeinwardtrouble。ah！iguessitall。hermeansareexhaustedinelegantfancies；orhavebeentakenawaybysomeunexpectedmisfortune；andnowshehasfallenfromluxurytoindigence。whilethework…womanmanagesnotonlytokeepherlittleroom；butalsotofurnishitwithdecentfortbyhersteadytoil；thatofthesingerisbeethepropertyofbrokers。theonesparkledforamomentonthewaveofprosperity；theothersailsslowlybutsafelyalongthecoastofahumbleandlaboriousindustry。
alas！istherenotherealessonforusall？isitreallyinhazardousexperiments；attheendofwhichweshallmeetwithwealthorruin；thatthewisemanshouldemployhisyearsofstrengthandfreedom？oughthetoconsiderlifeasaregularemploymentwhichbringsitsdailywages；orasagameinwhichthefutureisdeterminedbyafewthrows？whyseektheriskofextremechances？forwhatendhastentorichesbydangerousroads？isitreallycertainthathappinessistheprizeofbrilliantsuccesses；ratherthanofawiselyacceptedpoverty？ah！ifmenbutknewinwhatasmalldwellingjoycanlive；andhowlittleitcoststofurnishit！
twelveoclock鈥斺�攊havebeenwalkingupanddownmyatticforalongtime；withmyarmsfoldedandmyeyesontheground！mydoubtsincrease；likeshadowsencroachingmoreandmoreonsomebrightspace；myfearsmultiply；andtheuncertaintybeeseverymomentmorepainfultome！
itisnecessaryformetodecideto…day；andbeforetheevening！iholdthediceofmyfuturefateinmyhands；andidarenotthrowthem。
threeoclock鈥斺�攖heskyhasbeecloudy；andacoldwindbeginstoblowfromthewest；allthewindowswhichwereopenedtothesunshineofabeautifuldayareshutagain。onlyontheoppositesideofthestreet；thelodgeronthelaststoryhasnotyetlefthisbalcony。
oneknowshimtobeasoldierbyhisregularwalk；hisgraymoustaches；andtheribbonthatdecorateshisbuttonhole。indeed；onemighthaveguessedasmuchfromthecarehetakesofthelittlegardenwhichistheornamentofhisbalconyinmid…air；fortherearetwothingsespeciallylovedbyalloldsoldiers鈥斺�攆lowersandchildren。theyhavebeensolong；obligedtolookupontheearthasafieldofbattle；andsolongcutofffromthepeacefulpleasuresofaquietlot；thattheyseemtobeginlifeatanagewhenothersendit。thetastesoftheirearlyyears；whichwerearrestedbythesterndutiesofwar；suddenlybreakoutagainwiththeirwhitehairs；andarelikethesavingsofyouthwhichtheyspendagaininoldage。besides；theyhavebeencondemnedtobedestroyersforsolongthatperhapstheyfeelasecretpleasureincreating；andseeinglifespringupagain：thebeautyofweaknesshasagraceandanattractionthemoreforthosewhohavebeentheagentsofunbendingforce；andthewatchingoverthefrailgermsoflifehasallthecharmsofnoveltyfortheseoldworkmenofdeath。
thereforethecoldwindhasnotdrivenmyneighborfromhisbalcony。
heisdigginguptheearthinhisgreenboxes；andcarefullysowingtheseedsofthescarletnasturtium；convolvulus；andsweet…pea。henceforthhewilleeverydaytowatchfortheirfirstsprouting；toprotecttheyoungshootsfromweedsorinsects；toarrangethestringsforthetendrilstoclimbon；andcarefullytoregulatetheirsupplyofwaterandheat！
howmuchlabortobringinthedesiredharvest！forthat；howmanytimesshalliseehimbravecoldorheat；windorsun；ashedoesto…day！butthen；inthehotsummerdays；whentheblindingdustwhirlsincloudsthroughourstreets；whentheeye；dazzledbytheglareofwhitestucco；knowsnotwheretorest；andtheglowingroofsreflecttheirheatuponustoburning；theoldsoldierwillsitinhisarborandperceivenothingbutgreenleavesandflowersaroundhim；andthebreezewillecoolandfreshtohimthroughtheseperfumedshades。hisassiduouscarewillberewardedatlast。
wemustsowtheseeds；andtendthegrowth；ifwewouldenjoytheflower。
fouroclock鈥斺�攖hecloudsthathavebeengatheringinthehorizonforalongtimearebeedarker；itthundersloudly；andtherainpoursdown！
thosewhoarecaughtinitflyineverydirection；somelaughingandsomecrying。
ialwaysfindparticularamusementinthesehelter…skelters；causedbyasuddenstorm。itse