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a sound…and…light show； a bit of mood…setting mist drifting across a high battlement where a king had been slain。 But this was not history we were witnessing。 It was some secret festering thing； some dreamed emotion that acpanies the dreamer out of sleep。 Flares came swooning from the helicopters； creamy bursts of red and white light。 Drivers sounded their horns and children crowded all the windows； faces tilted； pink hands pressed against the glass。
The road curved away from the toxic cloud and traffic moved more freely for a while。 At an intersection near the Boy Scout camp； two schoolbuses entered the mainstream traffic； both carrying the insane of Blacksmith。 We recognized the drivers； spotted familiar faces in the windows； people we customarily saw sitting on lawn chairs behind the asylum's sparse hedges or walking in ever narrowing circles； with ever increasing speed； like spinning masses in a gyration device。 We felt an odd affection for them and a sense of relief that they were being looked after in a diligent and professional manner。 It seemed to mean the structure was intact。
We passed a sign for the most photographed barn in America。
It took an hour to funnel traffic into the single…lane approach to the camp。 Mylex…suited men waved flashlights and set out Day…Glo pylons； directing us toward the parking lot and onto athletic fields and other open areas。 People came out of the woods； some wearing headlamps； some carrying shopping bags； children； pets。 We bumped along dirt paths； over ruts and mounds。 Near the main buildings we saw a group of men and women carrying clipboards and walkie…talkies； non…Mylex…suited officials； experts in the new science of evacuation。 Steffie joined Wilder in fitful sleep。 The rain let up。 People turned off their headlights； sat uncertainly in their cars。 The long strange journey was over。 We waited for a sense of satisfaction to reach us； some mood in the air of quiet acplishment； the well…earned fatigue that promises a still and deep…lying sleep。 But people sat in their dark cars staring out at each other through closed windows。 Heinrich ate a candy bar。 We listened to the sound of his teeth getting stuck in the caramel and glucose mass。 Finally a family of five got out of a Datsun Maxima。 They wore life jackets and carried flares。
Small crowds collected around certain men。 Here were the sources of information and rumor。 One person worked in a chemical plant； another had overheard a remark； a third was related to a clerk in a state agency。 True； false and other kinds of news radiated through the dormitory from these dense clusters。
It was said that we would be allowed to go home first thing in the morning； that the government was engaged in a cover…up； that a helicopter had entered the toxic cloud and never reappeared； that the dogs had arrived from New Mexico； parachuting into a meadow in a daring night drop； that the town of Farmington would be uninhabitable for forty years。
Remarks existed in a state of permanent flotation。 No one thing was either more or less plausible than any other thing。 As people jolted out of reality； we were released from the need to distinguish。
Some families chose to sleep in their cars； others were forced to do so because there was no room for them in the seven or eight buildings on the grounds。 We were in a large barracks； one of three such buildings at the camp； and with the generator now working we were fairly fortable。 The Red Cross had provided cots； portable heaters； sandwiches and coffee。 There were kerosene lamps to supplement the existing overhead lights。 Many people had radios； extra food to share with others； blankets； beach chairs； extra clothing。 The place was crowded； still quite cold； but the sight of nurses and volunteer workers made us feel the children were safe； and the presence of other stranded souls； young women with infants； old and infirm people； gave us a certain staunchness and will； a selfless bent that was pronounced enough to function as a mon identity。 This large gray area； dank and bare and lost to history just a couple of hours ago； was an oddly agreeable place right now； filled with an eagerness of munity and voice。
Seekers of news moved from one cluster of people to another； tending to linger at the larger groups。 In this way I moved slowly through the barracks。 There were nine evacuation centers； I learned； including this one and the Kung Fu Palace。 Iron City had not been emptied out； nor had most of the other towns in the area。 It was said that the governor was on his way from the capitol in an executive helicopter。 It would probably set down in a bean field outside a deserted town； allowing the governor to emerge； square…jawed and confident； in a bush jacket； within camera range； for ten or fifteen seconds； as a demonstration of his imperishability。
What a surprise it was to ease my way between people at the outer edges of one of the largest clusters and discover that my own son was at the center of things； speaking in his new…found voice； his tone of enthusiasm for runaway calamity。 He was talking about the airborne toxic event in a technical way； although his voice all but sang with prophetic disclosure。 He pronounced the name itself； Nyodene Derivative； with an unseemly relish； taking morbid delight in the very sound。 People listened attentively to this adolescent boy in a field jacket and cap； with binoculars strapped around his neck and an Instamatic fastened to his belt。 No doubt his listeners were influenced by his age。 He would be truthful and earnest； serving no special interest； he would have an awareness of the environment； his knowledge of chemistry would be fresh and up…to…date。
I heard him say； 〃The stuff they sprayed on the big spill at the train yard was probably soda ash。 But it was a case of too little too late。 My guess is they'll get some crop dusters up in the air at daybreak and bombard the toxic cloud with lots more soda ash； which could break it up and scatter it into a million harmless puffs。 Soda ash is the mon name for sodium carbonate； which is used in the manufacture of glass； ceramics； detergents and soaps。 It's also what they use to make bicarbonate of soda； something a lot of you have probably guzzled after a night on the town。〃 People moved in closer； impressed by the boy's knowledgeability and wit。 It was remarkable to hear him speak so easily to a crowd of strangers。 Was he finding himself； learning how to determine his worth from the reactions of others？ Was it possible that out of the turmoil and surge of this dreadful event he would learn to make his way in the world？
〃What you're probably all wondering is what exactly is this Nyodene D。 we keep hearing about？ A good question。 We studied it in school； we saw movies of rats having convulsions and so on。 So； okay； it's basically simple。 Nyodene D。 is a whole bunch of things thrown together that are byproducts of the manufacture of insecticide。 The original stuff kills roaches； the byproducts kill everything left over。 A little joke our teacher made。〃
He snapped his fingers； let his left leg swing a bit。
〃In powder form it's colorless； odorless and very dangerous； except no one seems to know exactly what it causes in humans or in the offspring of humans。 They tested for years and either they don't know for sure or they know and aren't saying。 Some things are too awful to publicize。〃
He archied his brows and began to twitch ically； his tongue lolling in a corner of his mouth。 I was astonished to hear people laugh。
〃Once it seeps into the soil； it has a life span of forty years。 This is longer than a lot of people。 After five years you'll notice various kinds of fungi appearing between your regular windows and storm windows as well as in your clothes and food。 After ten years your screens will turn rusty and begin to pit and rot。 Siding will warp。 There will be glass breakage and trauma to pets。 After twenty years you'll probably have to seal yourself in the attic and just wait and see。 I guess there's a lesson in all this。 Get to know your chemicals。〃
I didn't want him to see me there。 It would make him self…conscious； remind him of his former life as a gloomy and fugitive boy。 Let him bloom； if that's what he was doing； in the name of mischance； dread and random disaster。 So I slipped away； passing a man who wore snow boots wrapped in plastic； and headed for the far end of the barracks； where we'd； earlier made camp。
We were next to a black family of Jehovah's Witnesses。 A man and woman with a boy about twelve。 Father and son were handing but tracts to people nearby and seemed to have no trouble finding willing recipients and listeners。
The woman said to Babette； 〃Isn't this something？〃
〃Nothing surprises me anymore；〃 Babette said。
〃Isn't that the truth。〃
〃What would surprise me would be if there were no surprises。〃
〃That sounds about right。〃
〃Or if there were little bitty surprises。 That would be a surprise。 Instead of things like this。〃
〃God Jehovah's got a bigger surprise in store than this；〃 the woman said。
〃God Jehovah？〃
〃That's the one。〃
Steffie and Wilder were asleep in one of the cots。 Denise sat at the other end engrossed in the Physicians' Desk Reference。 Several air mattresses were stacked against the wall。 There was a long line at the emergency telephone； people calling relatives or trying to reach the switchboard at one or another radio call…in show。 The radios here were tuned mainly to just such shows。 Babette sat in a camp chair； going through a canvas bag full of snack thins and other provisions。 I noticed jars and cartons that had been sitting in the refrigerator or cabinet for months。
〃I thought this would be a good time to cut down on fatty things；〃 she said。
〃Why now especially？〃
〃This is a time for discipline； mental toughness。 We're practically at the edge。〃
〃I think it's interesting that you regard a possible disaster for yourself； your family and thousands of other people as an opportunity to cut down on fatty foods。〃
〃You take discipline where you can find it；〃 she said。 〃If I don't eat my yogurt now； I may as well stop buying the stuff forever。 Except I think I'll skip the wheat germ。〃
The brand name was foreign…looking。 I picked up the jar of wheat germ and examined the label closely。
〃It's German；〃 I told her。 〃Eat it。〃
There were people in pajamas and slippers。 A man with a rifle slung over his shoulder。 Kids crawling into sleeping bags。 Babette gestured； wanting me to lean closer。
〃Let's keep the radio turned off；〃 she whispered。 〃So the girls can't hear。 They haven't gotten beyond déjà vu。 I want to keep it that way。〃
〃What if the symptoms are real？〃
〃How could they be real？〃
〃Why couldn't they be real？〃
〃They get them only when they're broadcast；〃 she whispered。
〃Did Steffie hear about déjà vu on the radio？〃
〃She must have。〃
〃How do you know？ Were you with her when it was broadcast？〃
〃I'm not sure。〃
〃Think hard。〃
〃I can't remember。〃
〃Do you remember telling her what déjà vu means？〃
She spooned some yogurt out of the carton； seemed to pause； deep in thought。
〃This happened before；〃 she said finally。
〃What happened before？〃
〃Eating yogurt； sitting here； talking about déjà vu。〃
〃I don't want to hear this。〃
'The yogurt was on my spoon。 I saw it in a flash。 The whole experience。 Natural； whole…milk； low…fat。〃
The yogurt was still on the spoon。 I watched her put the spoon to her mouth； thoughtfully； trying to measure the action against the illusion of a matching original。 From my squatting position I motioned her to lean closer。
〃Heinrich seems to be ing out of his shell；〃 I whispered。
〃Where is he？ I haven't seen him。〃
〃See that knot of people？ He's right in the middle。 He's telling them what he knows about the toxic event。〃
〃What does he know？〃
〃Quite a lot； it turns out。〃 〃Why didn't he tell us？〃 she whispered。 〃He's probably tired of us。 He doesn't think it's worth his while to be funny and charming in front of his family。 That's the way sons are。 We represent the wrong kind of challenge。〃 〃Funny and charming？〃
〃I guess he had it in him all the while。 It was a question of finding the right time to exercise his gifts。〃 She moved closer； our heads almost touching。 〃Don't you think you ought to go over there？〃 she said。 〃Let him see you in the crowd。 Show him that his father is present at his big moment。〃
〃He'll only get upset if he sees me in the crowd。〃 〃Why？〃
〃I'm his father。〃
〃So if you go over there； you'll ruin things by embarrassing him and cramping his style because of the father…son thing。 And if you don't go over； he'll never know you saw him in his big moment and he'll think he has to behave in your presence the way he's always behaved； sort of peevishly and defensive； instead of in this new； delightful and expansive manner。〃 〃It's a double bind。〃 〃What if I went over？〃 she whispered。 〃He'll think I sent you。〃 〃Would that be so awful？〃
〃He thinks I use you to get him to do what I want。〃 〃There may be some truth in that； Jack。 But then what are stepparents for if they can't be used in little skirmishes bet