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“I don’t understand。 Doesn’t she go to the shows like a
thousand times a year？” he asked。 I nodded。 “So why does she
all of a sudden need you to go with her now？”
Lily had tuned out at this point and seemed to be engrossed in
flipping through an old issue ofThe New Yorker 。 I’d saved
every copy from the past five years。
“She throws this massive party at the spring shows in Paris
and just likes to have one of her American assistants be
there。 She’ll go to Milan first and then we’ll meet in Paris。
To； you know； oversee everything。”
“And that American assistant has to be you； and it has to mean
you’ll be missing Homeing；” he said flatly。
“Well； it’s not normally the way it works。 Since it’s
considered a huge privilege； usually the senior assistant is
the only one who gets to go； but since Emily is sick； then；
yes； now I will be going。 I have to leave next Tuesday； so I
can’t go to Providence that weekend。 I’m really； really
sorry。” I moved off my chair and went to sit closer to him on
the couch； but he immediately stiffened。
“So it’s just that simple； right？ You know； I already paid for
the entire room to guarantee the rate。 Never mind the fact
thatI rearrangedmy whole schedule to go with you that weekend。
I told my mom she had to find a sitter becauseyou wanted to
go。 Not a big deal； though； right？ Just anotherRunway
obligation。” In all the years we’d spent together； I’d never
seen him so angry。 Even Lily looked up from her magazine long
enough to excuse herself and get the hell out of the room
before this turned into an all…out war。
I tried to curl up on his lap； but he crossed his legs and
waved his hand。 “Seriously； Andrea—” He called me that only
when he was really annoyed。 “Is all of this really worth it？
Be honest with me for a second。 Is it worth it to you？”
“All of what？ Is missing a Homeing weekend when there will
be dozens more worth it to do something I’m required to do for
my job？ A job that is going to open doors for me I never
thought possible； and sooner than I ever expected？ Yes！ It’s
worth it。”
His chin dropped to his chest and for a moment I thought he
was crying； but when he lifted it again； his face revealed
nothing but rage。
“Don’t you think I’d rather go with you than go be someone’s
slave twenty…four…seven for a straight week？” I shouted；
forgetting entirely that Lily was somewhere in the apartment。
“Can’t you stop for one second to think about the fact that I
may not want to go either； but I have no choice？”
“No choice？ You have nothingbut choices！ Andy； this job isn’t
just a job anymore； in case you’ve failed to notice—it’s taken
over your entire life！” he yelled back； the redness in his
face expanding to his neck and ears。 Normally I thought this
was very cute； even sexy； but tonight I just wanted to go to
sleep。
“Alex； listen； I know—”
“No；you listen！ Forget about me for a second； not like that’s
such a stretch； but forget that we never； ever see each other
anymore because of the hours you keep at work； because of your
never…ending work emergencies。 What about your parents？ When
was the last time you actually saw them？ And your sister？ You
do realize that she just had her first baby and you haven’t
even seen your own nephew yet； don’t you？ Doesn’t that mean
anything？” He lowered his voice and leaned in closer。 I
thought he might be getting ready to apologize； but he said；
“What about Lily？ Have you not noticed that your best friend
has turned into a raging alcoholic？” I must have looked
absolutely shocked； because he barreled on。 “You can’t even
think of saying you didn’t realize that； Andy。 It’s the most
obvious thing in the world。”
“Yes； of course she drinks。 So do you and so do I and so does
everyone we know。 Lily’s a student； and that’s what students
do； Alex。 What’s so weird about that？” It sounded even more
pathetic when I said it out loud； and he only shook his head。
We were both quiet for a few minutes until he spoke。
“You just don’t get it； Andy。 I’m not exactly sure how it
happened； but I feel like I don’t even know you anymore。 I
think we need a break。”
“What？ What are you saying？ You want to break up？” I asked；
realizing much too late that he was very； very serious。 Alex
was so understanding； so sweet； so available； that I’d begun
to take for granted that he’d always be around to listen or
talk me down after a long day or cheer me up when everyone
else had felt free to take a swing。 The only problem with all
of this was that I wasn’t exactly holding up my end of the
deal。
“No； not at all。 Not break up； just take a break。 I think it
would help both of us if we reevaluate what we’ve got going
here。 You sure don’t seem happy with me lately； and I can’t
say I’m thrilled with you。 Maybe a little time away would be
good for both of us。”
“Good for both of us？ You think it’ll ‘help us’？” I wanted to
scream at the triteness of his words； at the idea that “taking
some time” would actually help draw us closer。 It seemed
selfish that he was doing this now； just as I was going into
what I hoped was the last of my one…yearRunway sentence and
mere days before I had to pull off the biggest challenge of my
career。 Any quick jabs of sadness or concern from a few
minutes ago had been swiftly replaced with irritation。 “Fine；
then。 Let’s ‘take a break；’ ” I said sarcastically； meanly。 “A
breather。 Sounds like a great plan。”
He stared at me with those big brown eyes with a look of
overwhelming surprise and hurt； and then pressed them tightly
shut in an apparent effort to push away the image of my face。
“OK； Andy。 I’ll put you out of your obvious misery and leave
now。 I hope you have a great time in Paris； I really do。 I’ll
talk to you soon。” And before I even realized that it was
actually happening； he’d kissed me on the cheek like he would
Lily or my mother and walked toward the door。
“Alex； don’t you think we should talk about this？” I said；
trying to keep my voice calm； wondering if he would actually
walk out right now。
He turned and smiled sadly and said； “Let’s not talk any more
tonight； Andy。 We should’ve been talking the past few months；
the pastyear； not trying to cram it all in right now。 Think
about everything； OK？ I’ll call you in a couple weeks； when
you’re back and settled。 And good luck in Paris—I know you’ll
be great。” He opened the door； stepped through it； and quietly
closed it behind him。
I ran to Lily’s room so she could tell me that he was
overreacting； that I had to go to Paris because it was the
best thing for my future； that she didn’t have a drinking
problem； that I wasn’t a bad sister for leaving the country
when Jill had just had her first baby。 But she was passed out
on top of her covers； fully dressed； the empty cocktail glass
on her bedside table。 Her Toshiba laptop was open beside her
on the bed； and I wondered if she’d managed to write a single
word。 I looked。 Bravo！ She’d written the heading； plete
with her name； the class number； the professor’s name； and her
presumably temporary version of the article’s title： “The
Psychological Ramifications of Falling in Love with Your
Reader。” I laughed out loud； but she didn’t stir； so I moved
the puter back to her desk and set her alarm for seven and
turned out the lights。
My Cell Phone rang as soon as I walked in my bedroom。 After
the initial five…second usual heart…pounding session I endured
each time it rang for fear that it was Her； I flipped it open
immediately； knowing it was Alex。 I knew he couldn’t leave
things so unfinished。 This was the same guy who couldn’t fall
asleep without a good…night kiss and a verbal wish for sweet
dreams； there was no way he was just prancing out of here；
totally fine with the suggestion that we not talk for a few
weeks。
“Hi； baby；” I breathed； missing him already but still happy to
be on the phone with him and not necessarily having to deal
with everything in person right now。 My head ached and my
shoulders felt like they were glued to my ears； and I just
wanted to hear him say that the whole thing had been a big
mistake and he’d call me tomorrow。 “I’m glad you called。”
“‘Baby’？ Wow！ We’re making progress； aren’t we； Andy？ Better
be careful or I might have to consider the possibility that
you want me；” Christian said smoothly with a grin I could hear
over the phone line。 “I’m glad I called； too。”
“Oh。 It’s you。”
“Well； that’s not the warmest wele I’ve ever received！
What’s the matter； Andy？ You’ve been screening me lately；
haven’t you？”
“Of course not；” I lied。 “I’ve just had a bad day。 As usual。
What’s up？”
He laughed。 “Andy； Andy； Andy。 e on now。 You have no reason
to be so unhappy。 You’re on the fast…track to great things。
Speaking of which； I’m calling to see if you wanted to e to
a PEN award ceremony and reading tomorrow night。 Should be
lots of interesting people； and I haven’t seen you in a while。
Purely professional； of course。”
For a girl who had read way too many “How to Know if He’s
Ready to mit” articles inCosmo； one might think the warning
flags would’ve gone up on this one。 And they did—I just chose
to ignore them。 It had been a very long day； and so I allowed
myself to think—just for a few minutes—that he might； might；
MIGHT actually be sincere。 Screw it。 It felt good to talk to a
noncritical male for a few minutes； even if he did refuse to
accept that I was taken。 I knew I wouldn’t actually accept his
invitation； but a few minutes of innocent phone flirting
wouldn’t hurt anyone。
“Oh really？” I asked coyly。 “Tell me all about it。”
“I’m going to list all the reasons that you should e with
me； Andy； and the first one is the simplest： I know what’s
good for you。 Period。” God； he was arrogant。 Why did I find it
so endearing？
game on。 We were off and running； and it took only a few more
minutes until the trip to Paris and Lily’s nasty little vodka
habit and Alex’s sad eyes faded to the background of my
acknowledged…unhealthy…and…emotionally…dangerous…but…really…sexy…and…fun…nonetheless
conversation with Christian。
16
It was planned that Miranda would be in Europe for a week
before I was due to arrive。 She settled for using some local
assistants for the Milan shows—and would be arriving in Paris
the same morning I was so we could work out the details of her
party together； like old friends。 Hah。 Delta had refused to
simply change the name on the ticket from Emily’s to mine； so
rather than get even more frustrated and hassled than I
already was； I just charged a new one。 Twenty…two hundred
dollars because it was fashion week and I was buying at the
last minute。 I paused for one ridiculous minute before forking
over the corporate card number。Whatever； I thought。Miranda can
spend that in a week on hair and makeup alone 。
As Miranda’s junior assistant； I was the lowest…ranking human
being atRunway 。 However； if access is power； then Emily and I
were the two most powerful people in fashion： we determined
who got meetings； when they were scheduled （early morning was
always preferred because people’s makeup would be fresh and
their clothes unwrinkled）； and whose messages got through （if
your name wasn’t on the Bulletin； you didn’t exist）。
So when either of us needed help； the rest of the staff were
obliged to pull through。 Yes； of course there was something
disconcerting about the realization that if we didn’t work for
Miranda Priestly these same people would have no punction
in running over us with their chauffeured Town Cars。 As it
was； when called upon； they ran and fetched and retrieved for
us like well…trained puppies。
Work on the current issue ground to a halt as everyone rallied
to send me off to Paris adequately prepared。 Three Clackers
from the fashion department hastily pulled together a wardrobe
that included every single item that I could conceivably
require for any event Miranda could conceivably call on me to
attend。 By the time I left； Lucia； the fashion director；
promised I would have in my possession not only an assemblage
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