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something；” I said； getting up from the chair and wondering； as
always； if the weight shift was going to cause the balcony to fall
off the side of the building。
“Andy； relax。 He’s definitelynot a thug。” He flipped a page。 “He
might be a punk…grunge…freak； but he’s not a thug。”
“Great； that’s just fucking great。 Now are you going to e see
what’s going on； or are you just going to sit there all night？”
He still refused to look at me； and I finally understood how annoyed
he was about tonight。 Understandable； entirely； but I was just as
irritated to have to work； and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do
about it。 “Why don’t you call if you need me？”
“Fine；” I huffed and made a big production of storming inside。
“Don’t feel guilty when you find my dismembered body on the bathroom
floor。 Really； no big deal 。 。 。”
I stomped inside and around the apartment for a little while；
looking for evidence of this guy’s presence。 The only thing that
seemed at all out of place was an empty bottle of Ketel One in the
sink。 Had she really managed to buy； open； and drink an entire
bottle of vodka sometime after midnight last night？ I knocked on her
door。 No response。 I knocked a little more insistently； and I heard
a guy’s voice state the very obvious fact that someone was knocking
on the door。 When still no one responded； I turned the doorknob。
“Hello？ Anyone Home here？” I called out； trying not to look inside
the room but only being able to hold out for about five seconds。 My
eyes skipped over the two pairs of jeans that were tangled up on the
floor and the bra that was hanging from the desk chair and the
overflowing ashtray that made the room stink like a frat house and
went directly to the bed； where my best friend was stretched out on
her side； back to me； pletely naked。 A sickly looking guy with a
line of sweat above his lip and a head full of greasy hair blended
into her sheets： his dozens of snaking； winding； scary tattoos acted
as the perfect camouflage against her green and blue plaid
forter。 There was a gold hoop through his eyebrow； much
glittering metal from each ear； and two small； rounded spikes ing
out of his chin。 Thankfully he was wearing a pair of boxers； but
they looked so dirty and dingy and old that I almost—almost—wished
he weren’t。 He pulled on his cigarette； exhaled slowly and
meaningfully； and nodded in my general direction。
“Yo；” he said； waving his cigarette toward me。 “You mind shuttin’
the door there； m’friend？”
What？ “M’friend”？ Was this sleazy…looking Aussie actually givingme
attitude？
“Are you smokingcrack ？” I asked； no longer interested in manners of
any sort； and not at all scared。 He was shorter than me and couldn’t
have weighed more than a hundred thirty—as far as I could tell； the
worst thing he could do to me at that point would be to touch me。 I
shuddered when I thought about the myriad ways he’d probably touched
Lily； who was still sleeping soundly underneath his protective
hover。 “Who the hell do you think you are？ This ismy apartment； and
I’d like you to leave。 Now！” I added； my courage fueled by the time
demands： I had exactly one hour to get gorgeous for the single most
stressful night of my career； and dealing with this strung…out freak
had not been part of the game plan。
“Duuuuuuuude。 Chill out；” he breathed and inhaled again。 “It doesn’t
look like your friend here wants me to leave 。 。 。”
“She would want you to leave if she HAPPENED TO BE CONSCIOUS； YOU
ASSHOLE！” I screamed； horrified that Lily had—in all likelihood—had
sex with this guy。 “I assure you； I speak for both of us when I say
GET THE FUCK OUT OF OUR APARTMENT！”
I felt a hand on my shoulder and whipped around to see Alex； looking
concerned； checking out the situation。 “Andy； why don’t you get in
the shower and let me take care of this； OK？” Although no one could
call him a big guy； he looked like a pro wrestler pared to the
emaciated mess that was currently nuzzling his facial metal against
my best friend’s bare back。
“I。 WANT。 HIM。”—I pointed here； just to be clear。—“OUT。 OF。 MY。
APARTMENT。”
“I know you do； and I think he’s about ready to leave； too； aren’t
you； buddy？” Alex asked in the kind of soothing voice you’d use with
a rabid…looking dog you were frightened of upsetting。
“Duuuuuuude；no issues here。 Just havin’ a little fun with Lily is
all。 She was all over me last night at Au Bar—ask anyone； they’ll
tell you。 Fuckin’ begged me to e back with her。”
“I don’t doubt that；” Alex said soothingly。 “She’s a really friendly
girl when she wants to be； but sometimes she gets too drunk to know
what she’s doing。 So as her friend； I’m going to have to ask you to
leave now。”
The freak mashed his cigarette out and made a big show of throwing
up his hands in mock surrender。 “Dude； no problem whatsoever。 I’ll
just take a quick shower and give m’little Lily here a proper
good…bye； and then I’ll be on m’way。” He swung his legs over the
side of the bed and reached for the towel that hung next to her
desk。
Alex moved forward； swiftly removed the towel from his hands； and
looked him directly in the eye。 “No。 I think you should leave now。
Right now。” And in a way that I’d never seen him do in the almost
three years I’d known him； he placed himself squarely in front of
Freak Boy and allowed his height to insinuate the threat that was
clearly intended。
“Dude； no worries。 I’m outta here；” he crooned after taking one look
at Alex and realizing he had to crane his neck to look at his face。
“Just get m’self dressed and out the door。” He picked up his jeans
from the floor and located his ripped…up T…shirt from underneath
Lily’s still exposed body。 She moved when he pulled it out from
under her； and a few seconds later her eyes managed to open。
“Cover her！” Alex manded gruffly； now clearly enjoying his new
role as threatening…man…in…charge。 And without ment； Freak Boy
pulled the cover over her shoulders so that only a tangle of her
black curls was visible。
“What’s going on？” Lily croaked while willing her eyes to stay open。
She turned to see me trembling in anger in her doorway； Alex hulking
about doing manly poses； and Freak Boy scrambling to tie his blue
and canary yellow Diadoras and get the hell out before things got
really ugly。 Too late。 Her gaze stopped on Freak Boy。
“Who the hell are you？” she asked him； bolting upright without even
realizing that she was now pletely naked。 Alex and I
instinctively turned away while she pulled the covers up； looking
shocked； but Freak Boy grinned lecherously and ogled her breasts。
“Baby； you tellin’ me you don’t remember who I am？” he asked； his
thick Australian accent being less adorable with every passing
second。 “You sure knew who I was last night。” He walked over to her
and looked like he was about to sit down on the bed； but Alex had
already grabbed his arm and pulled him upright。
“Out。 Now。 Or I’m going to have to carry you myself；” he manded；
looking tough and very cute and not a little proud of himself。
Freak Boy threw up his hands and made clucking noises。 “I’m outta
here。 Call me sometime； Lily。 You were great last night。” He moved
quickly through the bedroom door toward the living room with Alex in
pursuit。 “Man； she sure as hell is a feisty one；” I heard him say to
Alex right before the front door slammed shut； but it didn’t appear
that Lily had heard。 She had pulled on a T…shirt and managed to pull
herself out of bed。
“Lily； who the hell was that？ He was the biggest jerk I’ve ever met；
not to mention absolutelydisgusting 。”
She shook her head slowly and appeared to be concentrating very
hard； trying to remember where he’d entered her life。 “Disgusting。
You’re right； he is absolutely disgusting； and I have no idea what
happened。 I remember you leaving last night and talking to some
really nice guy in a suit—we were doing shots of Jaeger； for some
reason—and that’s it。”
“Lily； just imagine how drunk you had to be to agree to not only
have sex with someone who looks like that； but to bring him back to
our apartment！” I thought I was pointing out the obvious； but her
eyes widened into surprised realization。
“You think I had sex with him？” she asked softly； refusing to
acknowledge what seemed certain。
Alex’s words from a few months before came back to me： Lily did
drink more than was normal—all the signs were there。 She was missing
classes regularly； had gotten arrested； and now had dragged Home the
scariest…looking mutant of a guy I’d ever laid eyes on。 I also
remembered the message one of her professors had left on our machine
right after finals； something to the effect that while Lily’s final
paper had been stellar； she’d missed too many classes and handed
things in too late to give her the “A” she deserved。 I decided to
tread carefully。 “Lil； sweetie； I don’t think the problem is the
guy。 I think it’s the drinking that’s causing it。”
She had begun brushing her hair； and it wasn’t until now that I
realized it was already six o’clock on a Friday night and she was
just getting out of bed。 She wasn’t protesting； so I continued。
“It’s not that I have any issue with drinking；” I said； trying to
keep the conversation relatively peaceful。 “Clearly； I’m not
antidrinking。 I just wonder if it’s gotten a little bit out of
control lately； you know？ Has everything been OK at school？”
She opened her mouth to say something； but Alex popped his head in
the door and handed me my shrieking Cell Phone。 “It’s her；” he said
and left again。Argghhh！ The woman had a very special gift for
wrecking my life。
“Sorry；” I said to Lily； looking at the phone warily as the display
screamed MP CELL over and over again。 “It usually only takes a
second for her to humiliate or reprimand me； so hold that thought。”
Lily set down her brush and watched me answer。
“Miran—” Again； I’d almost answered the line as though it were her
own。 “This is Andrea；” I corrected； bracing for the barrage。
“Andrea； you know I expect you there at six…thirty tonight； do you
not？” she barked into the phone without a greeting or identification
of any sort。
“Oh； um； you had said seven o’clock earlier。 I still need to—”
“I said six…thirty before and I’m saying it again
now。Siiiiix…thiiiiirty 。 Get it？” Click。 She’d hung up。 I looked at
my watch。 6：05P 。M。 This was a problem。
“She wants me there in twenty…five minutes；” I stated out loud to no
one in particular。
Lily looked relieved for the distraction。 “Let’s get you moving
then； OK？”
“We’re midconversation here； and this is important。 What were you
going to say before？” The words were right； but it was clear to both
of us that my mind was already a million miles away。 I’d already
decided there was no time to shower； as I now had fifteen minutes to
zip myself into black…tie and get into a car。
“Seriously； Andy； you’ve got to move。 Go get ready—we’ll do this
later。”
And once again I was left with no choice but to move quickly； heart
racing； climbing into my gown and running a brush through my hair
and trying to match some of the names with the pictures of the
evening’s guests that Emily had helpfully printed out earlier。 Lily
watched the whole thing unwind with mild amusement； but I knew she
was worrying about the incident with Freak Boy； and I felt terrible
I couldn’t deal with it right then。 Alex was on his phone with his
little brother； trying to convince him that he really was too young
to go to a movie at nine o’clock and that their mother wasn’t cruel
in forbidding him to do so。
I kissed him on the cheek as he whistled and told me that he’d
probably meet some people for dinner but to call him later if I
wanted to meet up； and ran as best one can in stilts back to the
living room； where Lily was holding a gorgeous piece of black silk
fabric。 I looked at her questioningly。
“A wrap； for your big night；” she sang； shaking it out like a
bedsheet。 “I want my Andy to look just as sophisticated as all the
big…money Carolina rednecks she’ll be serving tonight like a mon
waitress。 My grandmother bought it for me years ago to wear to
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