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few weeks—that I play along。 It seems he had a never…ending supply
of annoying tunes that he loved to sing； and he wouldn’t let me
through the turnstiles until I acted them out。 The day before was
“I’m Too Sexy。” As he sang；“I’m too sexy for Milan； too sexy for
Milan； New York and Japan；” I had to walk down the lobby’s imaginary
runway。 It could be fun when I was in a decent mood。 Sometimes it
even made me smile。 But it was my very first day with Miranda； and I
couldn’t be late getting her things set up； I just couldn’t。 I
wanted tohurt him for holding me up as everyone else breezed past
the security desk in the turnstiles on each side of me。
“If they don’t give me proper credit； I just walk away…ay；”I
muttered； allowing the words to stretch and fade； just like Madonna。
He raised his eyebrows。 “Where’s the enthusiasm； girlfriend？”
I thought I’d do something violent if I heard his voice again； so I
dropped my bag of papers on the counter； threw both arms up in the
air and thrust my hips to the left； while pursing my lips into a
dramatic pout。“A material！ A material！ A material！ A material 。 。 。
WORLD！” I all but screamed； and he cackled and clapped andwhoosh ！
He buzzed me through。
Mental note： Discuss with Eduardo when and where it is appropriate
to make a plete ass of me。Once again； I dove onto the elevators
and raced past Sophy； who kindly opened the doors to the floor
without my even asking。 I even remembered to stop in one of the
minikitchens and put some ice in one of the Baccarat goblets we kept
in a special cabinet over the microwave just for Miranda。 Glass in
one hand； newspapers in another； I peeled around the corner and
smashed directly into Jessica； a。k。a。 Manicure Girl。 She looked both
annoyed and panic…stricken。
“Andrea； are you aware that Miranda is on her way to the office？”
she asked； looking me up and down。
“Sure am。 I’ve got her newspapers right here and her water right
here； and now I just need to get them back to her office。 If you’ll
excuse me 。 。 。”
“Andrea！” she called as I ran past her； an ice cube flying out of
the glass and landing outside the art department。 “Remember to
change your shoes！”
I stopped dead in my tracks and looked down。 I was wearing a pair of
funky street sneakers； the kind that weren’t designed to do anything
but look cool。 The rules of dress—unspoken and otherwise—were
obviously relaxed when Miranda was away； and even though every
single person in the office looked fantastic； each was wearing
something they would swear up and down that they’d never； ever wear
in front of Miranda。 My bright red； mesh sneakers were a prime
example。
I had broken a sweat by the time I made it back to our suite。 “I’ve
got all the papers and I bought the magazines； too； just in case。
The only thing is； I don’t think I can wear these shoes； can I？”
Emily tore the headset from her ear and flung it down on her desk。
“No； of course you can’t wear those。” She picked up the phone；
dialed four digits； and announced； “Jeffy； bring me a pair of
Jimmy’s in a size 。 。 。” She looked at me。
“Nine and a half。” I pulled a small bottle of Pellegrino out of the
closet and filled the glass。
“Nine and a half。 No； now。 No； Jeff； I’m serious。 Right now。 Andrea
is wearingsneakers for chrissake；red sneakers； and She’s going to be
here any minute。 OK； thanks。”
It was then I noticed that in the four minutes I’d been downstairs；
Emily had managed to switch her faded jeans to leather pants and her
own funky sneakers to open…toe stilettos。 She’d also cleaned up the
entire office suite； sweeping the contents of both our desks into
drawers and stashing all of the ining gifts that hadn’t yet been
transferred to Miranda’s apartment in the closet。 She had slicked on
a fresh coat of lip gloss and added some color to her cheeks and was
presently motioning for me to get moving。
I grabbed the bag of newspapers and shook them out in a pile on the
lightbox in her office； a sort of underlit table where Emily said
Miranda would stand for hours on end and examine film that had e
in from photo shoots。 But it was also where she liked her papers
arranged； and once again； I consulted my legal pad for the correct
order。 First； theNew York Times； followed by theWall Street Journal；
and then theWashington Post 。 And on and on the order went in a
pattern I couldn’t distinguish； each placed slightly on top of the
one before it until they fanned out across the table in
formation。Women’s Wear Daily was the single exception： this was to
be placed in the middle of her desk。
“She’s here！ Andrea； e out here！ She’s on her way up；” I heard
Emily hiss from the outer area。 “Uri just called to tell me he just
dropped her off。”
I putWWD on her desk； placed the Pellegrino on a corner of her desk
on a linen napkin （which side？ I couldn’t remember which side it was
supposed to go on）； and darted from the office； taking one last look
around to ensure that everything was in order。 Jeffy； one of the
fashion assistants who helped organize the fashion closet； tossed me
a shoe box with a rubber band around it and bolted。 I pulled it open
immediately。 Inside were a pair of Jimmy Choo heels with straps made
of camel hair going every which way and buckles nestled in the
middle of it all； probably worth around eight hundred dollars。 Shit！
I had to get these on。 I yanked off my sneakers and my now sweaty
socks and tossed them under my desk。 The right one went on rather
easily； but I couldn’t work my stubby fingernail to free the buckle
on the left one until—there！ I pried it open and thrust my left foot
into it； watching the straps bite into the already swollen flesh。 In
another few seconds I had it buckled and was returning to an upright
sitting position just as Miranda walked in。
Frozen。 I was absolutely frozen in midmotion； my mind working fast
enough to understand how ridiculous I must look； but not quite fast
enough to move。 She noticed me immediately； probably because she was
expecting Emily to still be sitting at her old desk； and walked
over。 She leaned on the counter that ran over my desk； leaned over
it and even closer to me； until she was able to see my entire body
as I sat； immobilized； in the chair。 Her bright blue eyes moved up
and down； side to side； all over my white button…down； my red
corduroy Gap miniskirt； my now buckled camel…hair Jimmy Choo
sandals。 I felt her examine every inch of me； skin and hair and
clothes； her eyes moving so quickly but her face remaining frozen。
She leaned closer still； until her face was only a foot from mine
and I could smell the fantastic aroma of salon shampoo and expensive
perfume； so close that I could see the very fine lines around her
mouth and eyes that were invisible from a more fortable distance。
But I couldn’t look too long at her face； because she was intently
examining mine。 There wasn’t the slightest indication that she
recognized that a） we had； in fact； met before； b） I was her new
employee； or c） I was not Emily。
“Hello； Ms。 Priestly；” I squeaked impulsively； even though somewhere
in the back of my head I knew that she hadn’t uttered a word yet。
But the tension was unbearable； and I couldn’t help but barrel
forward。 “I’m so excited to be working for you。 Thank you so much
for the opportunity to 。 。 。”Shut up！ Just shut your stupid mouth！
Talk about no dignity。
She walked away。 Finished looking me up and down； pushed backward
off the counter； and just walked away while I was stuttering
mid…sentence。 I could feel heat ing off my face； a flush of
confusion and pain and humiliation all wrapped into one； and it
didn’t help that I could feel Emily glaring at me。 I pulled my hot
face upward and confirmed that Emily was indeed glaring at me。
“Is the Bulletin updated？” Miranda asked to no one in particular as
she walked into her office and； I noticed happily； directly to the
light table where I’d arranged her papers。
“Yes； Miranda。 Here it is；” Emily said obsequiously； racing in
behind her and handing her the clipboard where we kept all of
Miranda’s messages typed as they e in。
I sat quietly； watching Miranda move deliberately around her office
in the picture frames that hung on her wall： if I looked at the
glass instead of at the photos themselves； I could see her
reflection。 Emily immediately busied herself at her desk； and
silence prevailed。Do we never get to talk to each other or anyone
else if she’s in the office？ I wondered。 I wrote a quick e…mail to
Emily； asking her as much； which I saw her receive and read。 Her
answer came back right away：You got it； she wrote。If you and I have
to talk； we whisper。 Otherwise； no talking。 And don’t EVER speak to
her unless she speaks to you。 And do not EVER call her Ms。
Priestly—it’s Miranda。 Got it？ I felt again as if I had been
slapped； but I looked up and nodded。 And it was then I noticed the
coat。 It was right there； a great big pile of fabulous…looking fur；
all bunched up on the end of my desk； with one arm dangling off the
edge。 I looked at Emily。 She rolled her eyes； waved her hand toward
the closet； and mouthed； “Hang it up！” It was as heavy as a wet down
forter ing out of the washing machine； and I needed both hands
to keep it from dragging on the floor； but I gingerly hung it on one
of the silk hangers and gently； quietly； closed the doors。
I hadn’t even sat back down when Miranda appeared next to me； and
this time her eyes were free to roam over my entire body。 Impossible
as it seemed； I could feel each body part ignite as she eyed it； but
I was frozen； unable to dive back to my chair。 Just as my hair was
about to catch fire； those relentless blue eyes finally stopped on
mine。
“I’d like my coat；” she said quietly； looking directly at me； and I
wondered if she wondered who I was； or if she didn’t notice or care
that there was a relative stranger posing as her assistant。 There
wasn’t so much as a glimmer of recognition； even though my interview
with her had taken place a few weeks earlier。
“Surely；” I managed； and moved toward the closet again； which was an
awkward maneuver because she was currently standing between it and
me。 I turned my body sideways to keep from bumping into her and
tried to slide myself past her； reaching to pull open the door I had
just shut。 She didn’t move a single inch to let me pass； and I could
feel that the eyes had continued their roving。 Finally； blessedly；
my hands closed around the fur； and I pulled it carefully to
freedom。 I wanted to throw it at her and see if she’d catch it； but
I restrained myself at the last second and held it open as a
gentleman would for a lady。 She shrugged into it with one graceful
motion and picked up her Cell Phone； the only item she had brought
with her to the office。
“I’d like the Book tonight； Emily；” she said as she walked
confidently out of the office； probably not even noticing that a
cluster of three women standing in the hall outside the suite
scattered immediately upon seeing her； chins to their chests。
“Yes； Miranda。 I’ll have Andrea bring it up。”
That was that。 She left。 And the visit that had inspired office…wide
panic； frenzied preparations； even makeup and wardrobe adjustments；
had lasted just under four minutes； and had taken place—as far as my
inexperienced eyes could see—for absolutely no reason whatsoever。
8
“Don’t look now；” James said； his mouth as immobile as a
ventriloquist’s； “but I spy Reese Witherspoon at three o’clock。”
I swiveled immediately as he cringed in embarrassment； and； sure
enough； there she was； sipping a glass of champagne and throwing her
head back in laughter。 I didn’t want to be impressed； but I couldn’t
help it： she was one of my favorite actresses。
“James； darling； I’m so glad you could make it to my little party；”
quipped a thin； beautiful man who came up behind us。 “And who do we
have here？” They kissed。
“Marshall Madden； color guru； this is Andrea Sachs。 Andrea is
actually—”
“Miranda’s new assistant；” Marshall finished； smiling at me。 “I’ve
heard all about you； little one。 Wele to the family。 I do hope
you’ll e visit me。 I promise that together we can； um； smooth
over your look。