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When a man and a woman are drawn together； the attraction； I believe； is always sexual。 Whether firing instantly； flaring bright； or taking its time； smouldering in secret； flickering； rekindling； before burning itself out。
The theory of love at first sight is appealing； but really； there is no such thing。 Love es later； an afterthought； once desires are sated； needs overe； wishes fulfilled。
Sex is instinctive； possessive； manding： a force to be reckon…ed with； dangerous when unleashed。 Since we never know where it will take us； it needs to be handled with care。
Love； on the other hand； is never a threat。 It is deliberate； fashioned by choices； generous to a fault； happy to put the other person’s interests ahead of its own。
If sex is the ultimate in self…expression； love is the opposite： an on…going challenge to vanquish the self。 A formidable task； much against the grain of human nature。
Our ability to love is constantly tested； as we are faced with hurdles that call for mutual negotiation。 If we succeed in clearing them； the result will be a deeper attachment； greater affection； a closer bond。
Conversely； no relationship； however passionate； will survive if love is lacking。 Without love we fall at the first fence。
Proponents of the 1960s sexual revolution had a noble aim in mind： to liberate us all from the age…old tyranny of insipid morality； religious condemnation； secrecy and shame； repression； guilt and inhibition。
Love was the new currency； intimacy a birthright； to be enjoyed along with carnal pleasures and made freely available as a healthy； natural means of expression。
Loneliness would be a thing of the past； every type of relationship respected； physical and emotional fulfilment available to all； with no fear of disapproval or exclusion。
Little did these humanitarians anticipate that； before long； their idealistic concept would be hi…jacked by mercial interests and used for crass material ends with no regard for any values other than financial。
Today； sex is a prime marketing tool exceeding all others。 From all directions it is forced on to an unsuspecting public； sparing no one； not even little children； from the delusion that nothing but your sexuality gives you a place in the world。
How can anybody be expected to withstand this onslaught； brain…washed as we are to accept as the real thing casual couplings or mindless drunken encounters； and to live with the consequences of increased violence against women；more sexually transmitted diseases； children who should never have been born； abuse； confusion and deviation； not to mention emotions laid waste？
Good…bye intimacy。 Hello loneliness。
In the days when marriage was the only accepted arrangement for living together – or even sharing a bed –you went to the altar without asking why。 （Unless； that is； a baby was on the way。）。 最好的txt下载网
Intimacy 亲密（3）
Or else you looked to marital status for the benefits it would bring： personally； socially； materially。 For anybody weak or insecure； matrimony offered a safe haven： a brand new identity supplied by the spouse。
It goes without saying that such married couples did not always live happily ever after。 No one could be sure of the partner’s motives。 In a conflict either could say： “I married you for all the wrong reasons。 Not because I loved you。 Not of my own free will。”
Nowadays； with no more pressure from society and little in way of incentives； you may well ask： Why should anyone want to get married？
I can’t think of a single good reason… Except； possibly； a simple wish to show the world where you belong… visions of a future bleak without the other… a genuine desire to be there for the one you love； dedicating your life to his or her welfare。
For marriages entered into on these grounds auguries couldn’t be better。 But； my goodness； it takes courage。 For any couple who have found it； I take off my hat and say： Congratulations！
As a student in London； I shared a flat with a Moslem girl。 Her mother； still young； came to visit； covered in black from head to toe： her eyes were all I ever saw of her。 Proudly she told me of a solemn vow made to her husband on his deathbed twelve years before： that no man would ever see her beautiful face again。
Equally faithful is a Western woman I know； who spends her life surrounded by photographs and mementoes of a long dead husband； mourning him as fervently as once she loved him； impervious to the approaches of any other man。
Another widow with a young family remarried a man who won’t hear his predecessor’s name mentioned。 Anything that belonged to him has been dispensed with。 To the children he says： “That man is dead and gone。 I’m your father now。”
And then there was the Connemara workman； chatting away whilst plastering my kitchen。 Having mentioned in passing that his wife had been left widowed with two little boys； he made the odd friendly reference to Jimmy； their dad。
“You knew him？” I asked。 He shook his head。 “We never met。 But I have a feeling he’s still with us； somehow； looking down from afar。” Then； smiling； he went on： “And I say to him； don’t you worry； ’m here。 I’m looking after them for you。”
I looked on； impressed； as he bent to refill his trowel。
“She fell out of love with me；” sighs a man； apparently accepting this as a regrettable but perfectly valid reason for his partner in life to have abandoned him。 As if ‘being in love’； an emotional state as volatile as any mood； were a prerequisite to staying loyal。
“He replaced me with a younger model；” sniffs a middle…aged wife； fighting off bitter memories of the passion experienced early on in her marriage； before the friction and trivia of everyday life wore it all away； revealing nothing but a vacuum underneath。
The person who has no explanation to offer is one who had settled for a safe； rational union based on mental affinity and mutual interests； but came to see the other half suddenly； inconceivably； after years of congenial living； make a bid for freedom。
It seems that neither emotions； physical attraction nor mon sense can be depended upon to keep a couple together。 So what does it take for two people to maintain a life…long devotion？ Is it love – undying love？ Is there such a thing？ Or is that love a function of something else？
At the end of the day； it may all e down to values。 A relationship is only as sound； and as lasting； as the values shared by the two individuals involved。
Love 爱（1）
在我短暂的演艺生涯中，曾在一个小巷子里的剧院演过一出晦涩难懂的戏。尽管疯狂演练了好几个礼拜，我的那个角色对我来讲仍然是个挑战。
在公演后的第二天，我能从戏院里感觉到观众并没有多大反应。当时我觉得似乎自己的表演中缺少了什么，于是更加卖力地投入，但尽管如此，仍旧不见进步。
可怕的事实往往只在幕间休息时闪现——台下的听众都跑光了。我苦恼至极。直到今天，我在回想起当初那种想倾诉自己的所有却无人倾听的感受时，仍旧感到脸红。
在那次事件发生不久以后，我便退出了戏院。如果观众的回应对一个演员来讲是必不可少的，那么当演员对我来讲显然不是正确的选择。
这让我想到了法国印象派画家雷阿诺，他日复一日、年复一年地做画。没有任何事情能够阻止他，没有任何挫折、贫穷或失败能够阻止他。他不停地画，不管别人的意见如何，他所沉醉的，仅仅是自己的创作过程。
作为一个艺术家，如果付出仅仅是为了那一瞬间的回报，那么他所得到的结果，只能像那些为了得到某些东西而开始一段关系的人一样。这些人期望从各种关系中得到比如温暖、归属感、亲密、性、安全、金钱、地位或其他种种回报。一旦这些回报不能实现，付出便就此终结。
爱就像是艺术，为了存活，它必须是真诚的，由它本身的需求所维系，而且永远不求赢得掌声。
很多人都害怕作出承诺。我想，他们真正憎恶的，是必须要变得独立，把自己的控制权移交给他人。
我不能明白的是为什么有些人想要控制别人，尤其是以爱的名义。如果你试图这样做，那么另外一个人除了抗拒、逃避或是欺骗你以外，恐怕没有任何其他选择。或者最坏的情况是，屈从于你的欲望，这样的话，他/她的个性必将枯竭，而你所得到的，只能是一个软体动物。
支配欲的共生关系与其他任何相互依赖的关系一样，是爱的敌人。基于我们的欲望——这一人类最大的弱点——它让我们变得渺小而缺乏安全感。因为如果你指望别人来填补你内心的空虚，那么你内在的一部分必然会随着别人的死亡或离开而缺失。
因此，如果你祈祷找到一个伴侣，就先培养自己的独立性吧，战胜你自己的需求，然后再尽情释放，你将收获最好的东西——你自己丰裕的心。
请自由地奉献你的爱。有一天你会遇到另一个付出者，那时一切便会有其归属，没有任何约束。你们会准备好给出彼此最终的礼物：一生的承诺。
琐事是灵魂的毒药。它会把你拖垮，挑战你神经的极限，让你分神。神经衰弱和与压力有关的疾病常常归因于那些最无意义的琐事带来的压力。
对于爱情，没有什么折磨和考验能比每日平淡的家庭生活更有效的了。甚至在你还没有意识到的时候，对琐事无尽的关心会占据你的多半个视界。
这就需要有些不寻常的事情，或者需要一些带有悲剧色彩的事情发生，才能让你意识到你将失去的是什么。
当我的一个朋友没有任何前兆地逝去时，他留下了妻儿。这件事触动我为我的丈夫写下了下面的这些文字：
我的爱人，当你死去那天，
如果你先我而去，
我会万分悲恸。
这并非为你的离去，
我再明白不过。
那些不能改变的，
我们必须选择去忍受，
并优雅地接受。
我为之悲恸的，
哦，是那些曾经共同拥有却没有被我们珍惜的时刻——
那些还未曾打开的礼物，
那些被我们践踏的花蕊，
那些永远逝去的庆祝的机会，
那些被我们遗忘和失去的美好……
哦，我的爱人，我将如何祭奠它们。
很多年前，我的一个女朋友到伦敦拜访我，她当时情绪很激动。在我眼中，她一直是个麻烦缠身、被宿命和痛苦的想法折磨的、孤独而压抑的人。
那天，我得知她去参加了一个降神会，在那里她似乎看到了一个男人。这个男人温柔地告诉她，自己是多么爱她，多么希望看到她开心，告诉她他会一直守护着她。
“这个人是我父亲，”她满眼泪水地轻声说道，“我从来没有见过我的父亲，在我还是个婴儿的时候，他就在战场上被杀了。”
我对她的话不禁产生了质疑，问道：“你真的相信有鬼神存在吗？”
“谁知道呢？”她笑了笑，泰然自若地说道，“事实上，这让我感觉他就在那儿，尽管他离开了我，但是他的爱没有走，就在我的体内。我只是从来没意识到而已。”
这个我认识的女人从此改变了。她充满光彩地在我的面前站起身，深深地确定她是值得爱的，也是被深爱着的。在这个全新的她的面前，将是一条充满鲜花的道路。
那个时刻对我自己来说也是个转折点。跟她一样，我也有一位在我还是个婴儿时便去世的父亲。书 包 网 txt小说上传分享
Love 爱（2）
我的儿子有一只黑白相间的宠物兔子，它总是会给我们种种惊喜。它被训练得很乖，从不在房间里随地大小便。它爱玩一个小玩具，有时会在它自己篮子里的手柄上来回转悠。
它喜欢看早间新闻，跟我们其他人一起坐在沙发上。偶尔用它的后爪碰碰遥控器，或是趁我不注意时在我的杯子里吸几口茶。
这只小兔子简直就是我们生活的一部分，我们无法想象没有它的日子会怎样。
两年后，它没能逃过“流感”，这是一种很少有兔子能躲过的灾疫。我当时给兽医打电话，医生也答应来了，赶来回60英里的路来救我们的小宠物。
在等待的时候，我把它放在我的大腿上，想给它喂点水。它虚弱而平静地躺在我的身上，姿势看起来并不像往常那么自然。它把头舒适地倚在我的胳膊上，看了我一眼。那根本就不像是一只小兔子的眼神。
后来，我意识到那是一种感谢，感谢我当时陪着它，感谢我对它的关心和爱。在那一刻，我突然有一种少有的感觉，那是最纯洁、毫无杂质的爱的形式：剥离了私欲的、仅仅作为一种神秘力量存在的爱。
我感觉到这种爱从我的体内散发出去，像一把保护伞一样轻轻地把它包裹了起来，当它喘息着最后一口气的时候温柔地将它扶在我的手臂里。
我永远也不会忘记那只小兔子和那种感觉，那是它以及任何生命可以给予的、对生命的启示。
During a brief acting career； I appeared in an obscure play at a backstreet theatre。 My part was a real challenge； furiously rehearsed for weeks。
On the second night after opening； I was aware of a strange lack of response from the house。 Believing there was something lacking in my performance I tried a little harder – and harder still。 No improvement。
Only in the interval was the terrible truth revealed： There was no one in the audience。 I was mortified。 To this day I feel the blush on my cheek when I think of myself pouring my heart out – to no one。
I quit acting soon after that。 It obviously wasn’t the right choice for me； if a response was so essential。
By contrast think of an artist like Renoir； who went on producing pictures； day in day out； year after year； decade following decade。 Nothing ever stopped him； no amount of discouragement； poverty or failure。 He painted away； regardless of people’s opinions； in pure delight at his own creativity。
To be an artist merely for the return it may bring is as doomed as entering a relationship only for what you hope to get out of it： warmth； togetherness； intimacy； sex； security； money； status or whatever： The minute the reward is not forthing； it all es to an end。
Love is like art： to survive it has to be genuine； sustained by its own imperative； and never requiring an applause。
A lot of people have a fear of mitment。 I suppose what they really abhor is being dependent； handing over control。 I can relate to that。
What I can’t understand is why anyone should want to control another； especially in the name of love。 For if you attempt it； it leaves the other person with no option but to resist； evade or deceive you； or； worst of all； succumb to your will； in which case their personality expires； and you are stuck with what？ A mollusc。
The symbiosis of domination； like any mutual dependence； is the enemy of love。 Based on want； our greatest weakness； it makes us stunted； insecure。