按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
hen my wife is prompted by her familiar to burn people in their beds at night； to stab them； to bite their flesh from their bones； and so on—”
“Sir；” I interrupted him； “you are inexorable for that unfortunate lady： you speak of her with hate—with vindictive antipathy。 It is cruel—she cannot help being mad。”
“Jane； my little darling （so I will call you； for so you are）； you don’t know what you are talking about； you misjudge me again： it is not because she is mad I hate her。 If you were mad； do you think I should hate you？”
“I do indeed； sir。”
“Then you are mistaken； and you know nothing about me； and nothing about the sort of love of which I am capable。 Every atom of your flesh is as dear to me as my own： in pain and sickness it would still be dear。 Your mind is my treasure； and if it were broken； it would be my treasure still： if you raved； my arms should confine you； and not a strait waistcoat—your grasp； even in fury； would have a charm for me： if you flew at me as wildly as that woman did this morning； I should receive you in an embrace； at least as fond as it would be restrictive。 I should not shrink from you with disgust as I did from her： in your quiet moments you should have no watcher and no nurse but me； and I could hang over you with untiring tenderness； though you gave me no smile in return； and never weary of gazing into your eyes； though they had no longer a ray of recognition for me。—But why do I follow that train of ideas？ I was talking of removing you from Thornfield。 All； you know； is prepared for prompt departure： to…morrow you shall go。 I only ask you to endure one more night under this roof； Jane； and then； farewell to its miseries and terrors for ever！ I have a place to repair to； which will be a secure sanctuary from hateful reminiscences； from unwele intrusion—even from falsehood and slander。”
“And take Adèle with you； sir；” I interrupted； “she will be a panion for you。”
“What do you mean； Jane？ I told you I would send Adèle to school； and what do I want with a child for a panion； and not my own child；—a French dancer’s bastard？ Why do you importune me about her！ I say； why do you assign Adèle to me for a panion？”
“You spoke of a retirement； sir； and retirement and solitude are dull： too dull for you。”
“Solitude！ solitude！” he reiterated with irritation。 “I see I must e to an explanation。 I don’t know what sphynx…like expression is forming in your countenance。 You are to share my solitude。 Do you understand？”
I shook my head： it required a degree of courage； excited as he was being； even to risk that mute sign of dissent。 He had been walking fast about the room； and he stopped； as if suddenly rooted to one spot。 He looked at me long and hard： I turned my eyes from him； fixed them on the fire； and tried to assume and maintain a quiet； collected aspect。
“Now for the hitch in Jane’s character；” he said at last； speaking more calmly than from his look I had expected him to speak。 “The reel of silk has run smoothly enough so far； but I always knew there would e a knot and a puzzle： here it is。 Now for vexation； and exasperation； and endless trouble！ By God！ I long to exert a fraction of Samson’s strength； and break the entanglement like tow！”
He remenced his walk； but soon again stopped； and this time just before me。
“Jane！ will you hear reason？” （he stooped and approached his lips to my ear）； “because； if you won’t； I’ll try violence。” His voice was hoarse； his look that of a man who is just about to burst an insufferable bond and plunge headlong into wild license。 I saw that in another moment； and with one impetus of frenzy more； I should be able to do nothing with him。 The present—the passing second of time—was all I had in which to control and restrain him—a movement of repulsion； flight； fear would have sealed my doom；—and his。 But I was not afraid： not in the least。 I felt an inward power； a sense of influence； which supported me。 The crisis was perilous； but not without its charm： such as the Indian； perhaps； feels when he slips over the rapid in his canoe。 I took hold of his clenched hand； loosened the contorted fingers； and said to him； soothingly—
“Sit down； I’ll talk to you as long as you like； and hear all you have to say； whether reasonable or unreasonable。”
He sat down： but he did not get leave to speak directly。 I had been struggling with tears for some time： I had taken great pains to repress them； because I knew he would not like to see me weep。 Now； however； I considered it well to let them flow as freely and as long as they liked。 If the flood annoyed him； so much the better。 So I gave way and cried heartily。
Soon I heard him earnestly entreating me to be posed。 I said I could not while he was in such a passion。
“But I am not angry； Jane： I only love you too well； and you had steeled your little pale face with such a resolute； frozen look； I could not endure it。 Hush； now； and wipe your eyes。”
His softened voice announced that he was subdued； so I； in my turn； became calm。 Now he made an effort to rest his head on my shoulder； but I would not permit it。 Then he would draw me to him： no。
“Jane！ Jane！” he said； in such an accent of bitter sadness it thrilled along every nerve I had； “you don’t love me； then？ It was only my station； and the rank of my wife； that you valued？ Now that you think me disqualified to bee your husband； you recoil from my touch as if I were some toad or ape。”
These words cut me： yet what could I do or I say？ I ought probably to have done or said nothing； but I was so tortured by a sense of remorse at thus hurting his feelings； I could not control the wish to drop balm where I had wounded。
“I do love you；” I said； “more than ever： but I must not show or indulge the feeling： and this is the last time I must express it。”
“The last time； Jane！ What！ do you think you can live with me； and see me daily； and yet； if you still love me； be always cold and distant？”
“No； sir； that I am certain I could not； and therefore I see there is but one way： but you will be furious if I mention it。”
“Oh； mention it！ If I storm； you have the art of weeping。”
“Mr。 Rochester； I must leave you。”
“For how long； Jane？ For a few minutes； while you smooth your hair—which is somewhat dishevelled； and bathe your face—which looks feverish？”
“I must leave Adèle and Thornfield。 I must part with you for my whole life： I must begin a new existence among strange faces and strange scenes。”
“Of course： I told you you should。 I pass over the madness about parting from me。 You mean you must bee a part of me。 As to the new existence； it is all right： you shall yet be my wife： I am not married。 You shall be Mrs。 Rochester—both virtually and nominally。 I shall keep only to you so long as you and I live。 You shall go to a place I have in the south of France： a whitewashed villa on the shores of the Mediterranean。 There you shall live a happy； and guarded； and most innocent life。 Never fear that I wish to lure you into error—to make you my mistress。 Why did you shake your head？ Jane； you must be reasonable； or in truth I shall again bee frantic。”
His voice and hand quivered： his large nostrils dilated； his eye blazed： still I dared to speak。
“Sir； your wife is living： that is a fact acknowledged this morning by yourself。 If I lived with you as you desire； I should then be your mistress： to say otherwise is sophistical—is false。”
“Jane； I am not a gentle…tempered man—you forget that： I am not long…enduring； I am not cool and dispassionate。 Out of pity to me and yourself； put your finger on my pulse； feel how it throbs； and— beware！”
He bared his wrist； and offered it to me： the blood was forsaking his cheek and lips； they were growing livid； I was distressed on all hands。 To agitate him thus deeply； by a resistance he so abhorred； was cruel： to yield was out of the question。 I did what human beings do instinctively when they are driven to utter extremity— looked for aid to one higher than man： the words “God help me！” burst involuntarily from my lips。
“I am a fool！” cried Mr。 Rochester suddenly。 “I keep telling her I am not married； and do not explain to her why。 I forget she knows nothing of the character of that woman； or of the circumstances attending my infernal union with her。 Oh； I am certain Jane will agree with me in opinion； when she knows all that I know！ Just put your hand in mine； Ja—that I may have the evidence of touch as well as sight； to prove you are near me—and I will in a few words show you the real state of the case。 Can you listen to me
“Yes； sir； for hours if you will。”
“I ask only minutes。 Jane； did you ever hear or know at I was not the eldest son of my house： that I had once a brother older than I？”
“I remember Mrs。 Fairfax told me so once。”
“And did you ever hear that my father was an avaricious； grasping man？”
“I have understood something to that effect。”
“Well； Jane； being so； it was his resolution to keep the property together； he could not bear the idea of dividing his estate and leaving me a fair portion： all； he resolved； should go to my brother； Rowland。 Yet as little could he endure that a son of his should be a poor man。 I must be provided for by a wealthy marriage。 He sought me a partner betimes。 Mr。 Mason； a West India planter and merchant； was his old acquaintance。 He was certain his possessions were real and vast： he made inquiries。 Mr。 Mason； he found； had a son and daughter； and he learned from him that he could and would give the latter a fortune of thirty thousand pounds： that sufficed。 When I left college； I was sent out to Jamaica； to espouse a bride already courted for me。 My father said nothing about her money； but he told me Miss Mason was the boast of Spanish Town for her beauty： and this was no lie。 I found her a fine woman； in the style of Blanche Ingram： tall； dark； and majestic。 Her family wished to secure me because I was of a good race； and so did she。 They showed her to me in parties； splendidly dressed。 I seldom saw her alone； and had very little private conversation with her。 She flattered me； and lavishly displayed for my pleasure her charms and acplishments。 All the men in her circle seemed to admire her and envy me。 I was dazzled； stimulated： my senses were excited； and being ignorant； raw； and inexperienced； I thought I loved her。 There is no folly so besotted that the idiotic rivalries of society； the prurience； the rashness； the blindness of youth； will not hurry a man to its mission。 Her relatives encouraged me； petitors piqued me； she allured me： a marriage was achieved almost before I knew where I was。 Oh； I have no respect for myself when I think of that act！—an agony of inward contempt masters me。 I never loved； I never esteemed； I did not even know her。 I was not sure of the existence of one virtue in her nature： I had marked neither modesty； nor benevolence； nor candour； nor refinement in her mind or manners—and； I married her：… gross； grovelling； mole…eyed blockhead that I was！ With less sin I might have—But let me remember to whom I am speaking。”
“My bride’s mother I had never seen： I understood she was dead。 The honeymoon over； I learned my mistake； she was only mad； and shut up in a lunatic asylum。 There was a younger brother； too—a plete dumb idiot。 The elder one； whom you have seen （and whom I cannot hate； whilst I abhor all his kindred； because he has some grains of affection in his feeble mind； shown in the continued interest he takes in his wretched sister； and also in a dog…like attachment he once bore me）； will probably be in the same state one day。 My father and my brother Rowland knew all this； but they thought only of the thirty thousand pounds； and joined in the plot against me。”
“These were vile discoveries； but except for the treachery of concealment； I should have made them no subject of reproach to my wife； even when I found her nature wholly alien to mine； her tastes obnoxious to me； her cast of mind mon； low； narrow； and singularly incapable of being led to anything higher； expanded to anything larger—when I found that I could not pass a single evening； nor even a single hour of the day with her in fort； that kindly conversation could not be sustained between us； because whatever topic I started； immediately received from her a turn at once coarse and trite； perverse and imbecile—when I perceived that I should never have a quiet or settled household； because no servant would bear the continued outbreaks of her violent and unreasonable temper； or the vexations of her absurd； contradictory； exacting orders—even then I restrained myself： I eschewed upbraiding； I curtailed remonstrance； I tried to devour my repentance and disgust in secret； I repressed the deep antipathy I felt。
“Jane； I will not trouble you with abominable details： some strong words shall express what I have to say。 I lived with that woman upstairs four years； and before that time she had tried me indeed： her character ripened and developed with frightful rapidity； her vices sprang up fast and rank： they were so strong； only cruelty could check them； and I would not use cruelty。 What a pigmy intellect she had； and what giant propensities！ How fearful were the curses those propensities entailed on me！ Bertha Mason； the true