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简爱(英文版)-第43章

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d; contrasted well with the sunny hue of the cleared meadows between。
On Midsummer…eve; Adèle; weary with gathering wild strawberries in Hay Lane half the day; had gone to bed with the sun。 I watched her drop asleep; and when I left her; I sought the garden。
It was now the sweetest hour of the twenty…four:… “Day its fervid fires had wasted;” and dew fell cool on panting plain and scorched summit。 Where the sun had gone down in simple state—pure of the pomp of clouds—spread a solemn purple; burning with the light of red jewel and furnace flame at one point; on one hill…peak; and extending high and wide; soft and still softer; over half heaven。 The east had its own charm or fine deep blue; and its own modest gem; a casino and solitary star: soon it would boast the moon; but she was yet beneath the horizon。
I walked a while on the pavement; but a subtle; well…known scent— that of a cigar—stole from some window; I saw the library casement open a handbreadth; I knew I might be watched thence; so I went apart into the orchard。 No nook in the grounds more sheltered and more Eden…like; it was full of trees; it bloomed with flowers: a very high wall shut it out from the court; on one side; on the other; a beech avenue screened it from the lawn。 At the bottom was a sunk fence; its sole separation from lonely fields: a winding walk; bordered with laurels and terminating in a giant horse… chestnut; circled at the base by a seat; led down to the fence。 Here one could wander unseen。 While such honey…dew fell; such silence reigned; such gloaming gathered; I felt as if I could haunt such shade for ever; but in threading the flower and fruit parterres at the upper part of the enclosure; enticed there by the light the now rising moon cast on this more open quarter; my step is stayed— not by sound; not by sight; but once more by a warning fragrance。
Sweet…briar and southernwood; jasmine; pink; and rose have long been yielding their evening sacrifice of incense: this new scent is neither of shrub nor flower; it is—I know it well—it is Mr。 Rochester’s cigar。 I look round and I listen。 I see trees laden with ripening fruit。 I hear a nightingale warbling in a wood half a mile off; no moving form is visible; no ing step audible; but that perfume increases: I must flee。 I make for the wicket leading to the shrubbery; and I see Mr。 Rochester entering。 I step aside into the ivy recess; he will not stay long: he will soon return whence he came; and if I sit still he will never see me。
But no—eventide is as pleasant to him as to me; and this antique garden as attractive; and he strolls on; now lifting the gooseberry… tree branches to look at the fruit; large as plums; with which they are laden; now taking a ripe cherry from the wall; now stooping towards a knot of flowers; either to inhale their fragrance or to admire the dew…beads on their petals。 A great moth goes humming by me; it alights on a plant at Mr。 Rochester’s foot: he sees it; and bends to examine it。
“Now; he has his back towards me;” thought I; “and he is occupied too; perhaps; if I walk softly; I can slip away unnoticed。”
I trode on an edging of turf that the crackle of the pebbly gravel might not betray me: he was standing among the beds at a yard or two distant from where I had to pass; the moth apparently engaged him。 “I shall get by very well;” I meditated。 As I crossed his shadow; thrown long over the garden by the moon; not yet risen high; he said quietly; without turning—
“Jane; e and look at this fellow。”
I had made no noise: he had not eyes behind—could his shadow feel? I started at first; and then I approached him。
“Look at his wings;” said he; “he reminds me rather of a West Indian insect; one does not often see so large and gay a night…rover in England; there! he is flown。”
The moth roamed away。 I was sheepishly retreating also; but Mr。 Rochester followed me; and when we reached the wicket; he said—
“Turn back: on so lovely a night it is a shame to sit in the house; and surely no one can wish to go to bed while sunset is thus at meeting with moonrise。”
It is one of my faults; that though my tongue is sometimes prompt enough at an answer; there are times when it sadly fails me in framing an excuse; and always the lapse occurs at some crisis; when a facile word or plausible pretext is specially wanted to get me out of painful embarrassment。 I did not like to walk at this hour alone with Mr。 Rochester in the shadowy orchard; but I could not find a reason to allege for leaving him。 I followed with lagging step; and thoughts busily bent on discovering a means of extrication; but he himself looked so posed and so grave also; I became ashamed of feeling any confusion: the evil—if evil existent or prospective there was—seemed to lie with me only; his mind was unconscious and quiet。
“Jane;” he remenced; as we entered the laurel walk; and slowly strayed down in the direction of the sunk fence and the horse… chestnut; “Thornfield is a pleasant place in summer; is it not?”
“Yes; sir。”
“You must have bee in some degree attached to the house;—you; who have an eye for natural beauties; and a good deal of the organ of Adhesiveness?”
“I am attached to it; indeed。”
“And though I don’t prehend how it is; I perceive you have acquired a degree of regard for that foolish little child Adèle; too; and even for simple dame Fairfax?”
“Yes; sir; in different ways; I have an affection for both。”
“And would be sorry to part with them?”
“Yes。”
“Pity!” he said; and sighed and paused。 “It is always the way of events in this life;” he continued presently: “no sooner have you got settled in a pleasant resting…place; than a voice calls out to you to rise and move on; for the hour of repose is expired。”
“Must I move on; sir?” I asked。 “Must I leave Thornfield?”
“I believe you must; Jane。 I am sorry; Ja; but I believe indeed you must。”
This was a blow: but I did not let it prostrate me。
“Well; sir; I shall be ready when the order to march es。”
“It is e now—I must give it to…night。”
“Then you are going to be married; sir?”
“Ex…act…ly—pre…cise…ly: with your usual acuteness; you have hit the nail straight on the head。”
“Soon; sir?”
“Very soon; my—that is; Miss Eyre: and you’ll remember; Jane; the first time I; or Rumour; plainly intimated to you that it was my intention to put my old bachelor’s neck into the sacred noose; to enter into the holy estate of matrimony—to take Miss Ingram to my bosom; in short (she’s an extensive armful: but that’s not to the point—one can’t have too much of such a very excellent thing as my beautiful Blanche): well; as I was saying—listen to me; Jane! You’re not turning your head to look after more moths; are you? That was only a lady…clock; child; ‘flying away home。’ I wish to remind you that it was you who first said to me; with that discretion I respect in you—with that foresight; prudence; and humility which befit your responsible and dependent position—that in case I married Miss Ingram; both you and little Adèle had better trot forthwith。 I pass over the sort of slur conveyed in this suggestion on the character of my beloved; indeed; when you are far away; Ja; I’ll try to forget it: I shall notice only its wisdom; which is such that I have made it my law of action。 Adèle must go to school; and you; Miss Eyre; must get a new situation。”
“Yes; sir; I will advertise immediately: and meantime; I suppose—” I was going to say; “I suppose I may stay here; till I find another shelter to betake myself to:” but I stopped; feeling it would not do to risk a long sentence; for my voice and。
“In about a month I hope to be a bridegroom;” continued Mr。 Rochester; “and in the interim; I shall myself look out for employment and an asylum for you。”
“Thank you; sir; I am sorry to give—”
“Oh; no need to apologise! I consider that when a dependent does her duty as well as you have done yours; she has a sort of claim upon her employer for any little assistance he can conveniently render her; indeed I have already; through my future mother…in…law; heard of a place that I think will suit: it is to undertake the education of the five daughters of Mrs。 Dionysius O’Gall of Bitternutt Lodge; Connaught; Ireland。 You’ll like Ireland; I think: they’re such warm…hearted people there; they say。”
“It is a long way off; sir。”
“No matter—a girl of your sense will not object to the voyage or the distance。”
“Not the voyage; but the distance: and then the sea is a barrier—”
“From what; Jane?”
“From England and from Thornfield: and—”
“Well?”
“From you; sir。”
I said this almost involuntarily; and; with as little sanction of free will; my tears gushed out。 I did not cry so as to be heard; however; I avoided sobbing。 The thought of Mrs。 O’Gall and Bitternutt Lodge struck cold to my heart; and colder the thought of all the brine and foam; destined; as it seemed; to rush between me and the master at whose side I now walked; and coldest the remembrance of the wider ocean—wealth; caste; custom intervened between me and what I naturally and inevitably loved。
“It is a long way;” I again said。
“It is; to be sure; and when you get to Bitternutt Lodge; Connaught; Ireland; I shall never see you again; Jane: that’s morally certain。 I never go over to Ireland; not having myself much of a fancy for the country。 We have been good friends; Jane; have we not?”
“Yes; sir。”
“And when friends are on the eve of separation; they like to spend the little time that remains to them close to each other。 e! we’ll talk over the voyage and the parting quietly half…an…hour or so; while the stars enter into their shining life up in heaven yonder: here is the chestnut tree: here is the bench at its old roots。 e; we will sit there in peace to…night; though we should never more be destined to sit there together。” He seated me and himself。
“It is a long way to Ireland; Ja; and I am sorry to send my little friend on such weary travels: but if I can’t do better; how is it to be helped? Are you anything akin to me; do you think; Jane?”
I could risk no sort of answer by this time: my heart was still。
“Because;” he said; “I sometimes have a queer feeling with regard to you—especially when you are near me; as now: it is as if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs; tightly and inextricably knotted to a similar string situated in the corresponding quarter of your little frame。 And if that boisterous Channel; and two hundred miles or so of land e broad between us; I am afraid that cord of munion will be snapt; and then I’ve a nervous notion I should take to bleeding inwardly。 As for you;—you’d forget me。”
“That I never should; sir: you know—” Impossible to proceed。
“Jane; do you hear that nightingale singing in the wood? Listen!”
In listening; I sobbed convulsively; for I could repress what I endured no longer; I was obliged to yield; and I was shaken from head to foot with acute distress。 When I did speak; it was only to express an impetuous wish that I had never been born; or never e to Thornfield。
“Because you are sorry to leave it?”
The vehemence of emotion; stirred by grief and love within me; was claiming mastery; and struggling for full sway; and asserting a right to predominate; to overe; to live; rise; and reign at last: yes;—and to speak。
“I grieve to leave Thornfield: I love Thornfield:… I love it; because I have lived in it a full and delightful life;—momentarily at least。 I have not been trampled on。 I have not been petrified。 I have not been buried with inferior minds; and excluded from every glimpse of munion with what is bright and energetic and high。 I have talked; face to face; with what I reverence; with what I delight in;—with an original; a vigorous; an expanded mind。 I have known you; Mr。 Rochester; and it strikes me with terror and anguish to feel I absolutely must be torn from you for ever。 I see the necessity of departure; and it is like looking on the necessity of death。”
“Where do you see the necessity?” he asked suddenly。
“Where? You; sir; have placed it before me。”
“In what shape?”
“In the shape of Miss Ingram; a noble and beautiful woman;—your bride。”
“My bride! What bride? I have no bride!”
“But you will have。”
“Yes;—I will!—I will!” He set his teeth。
“Then I must go:… you have said it yourself。”
“No: you must stay! I swear it—and the oath shall be kept。”
“I tell you I must go!” I retorted; roused to something like passion。 “Do you think I can stay to bee nothing to you? Do you think I am an automaton?—a machine without feelings? and can bear to have my morsel of bread snatched from my lips; and my drop of living water dashed from my cup? Do you think; because I am poor; obscure; plain; and little; I am soulless and heartless? You think wrong!—I have as much soul as you;—and full as much heart! And if God had gifted me with some beauty and much wealth; I should have made it as hard for you to leave me; as it is now for me to leave you。 I am not talking to you now through the medium of custom; conventionalities; nor even of mortal flesh;—it is my spirit that addresses your spirit; just as if both had passed through the grave; and we stood at God’s feet; equal;—as we are!”
“As we are!” repeated Mr。 R
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